


could kiss you till the world ends

by cherrychoke



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Background Relationships, Blood and Injury, Character Development, Character driven plot (because he's stupid), Family Bonding, First Dates, Flirting, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Gunshot Wounds, Hand Jobs, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Knives, Light Angst, M/M, Mafia Boss Kim Junmyeon | Suho, Minor Character Death, Past Relationship(s), Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:34:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 31,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27401296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherrychoke/pseuds/cherrychoke
Summary: being a mafia boss (willingly or not) isn’t easy, especially when there’s a longing to have a normal life. sehun is his lucky charm.
Relationships: Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Oh Sehun
Comments: 10
Kudos: 69
Collections: Round 2: SeHo in a Song





	could kiss you till the world ends

**Author's Note:**

> [Prompt #SH-24]
> 
>  **content warning** (it's in the tags, but just in case i missed something!): death of a parent, grief, mention of guns, gunshot wound, blood, stabbing, knives, (serious) threats to other characters;  
> (less serious cw is handjob!!)
> 
> dear prompter: please don't kill me for this, i hope it is up to your liking! i went with the ~vibe the song you gave (the lourve by lorde)!  
> dear everyone: i hope you enjoy reading this! my excuses are at the end of the fic, in the notes  
> thank you so much to mods for making this fest and being so patient with me ;u; ily <3

Junmyeon can tell you what it feels like to not belong somewhere. To be stuck in the area you can’t even consider ‘grey’ because of its nature. He cries and cries at the funeral, with his mother, but she stops after a few hours. Junmyeon finds the hole in his chest bigger this time. He wasn’t sure where he belonged in the clashing worlds before this, but at least he had the comfort of his father. But now, he’s stuck in an iffy place — somewhere between a commoner, unaware of the underground, and a mafia boss’ son.

His only consolation is that he still has a mother, he isn’t completely lost in that aspect, but the funeral grimly reminds him of how her days are counted as well. They aren’t close either, to feel all the comfort of having his mother. He’s twenty-seven and it feels like everyone else has it figured out.

“I want to move out,” he mumbles when he’s setting the table for himself and his mother. “Mom.”

His mother just stares and stares at the bowl of rice in front of her. He sighs. Maybe next time.

✧

He moves out without telling her. Well, not to her face at least. He leaves a two-page long letter, promising to visit her every weekend, and explaining how lost he feels. She calls after reading the letter, crying.

“Am I not enough?” she sobs. “Am I dead to you too, Junmyeon-ah? Is that why you moved out? Don’t you care for your mother?”

His body is numb, no tears come to his eyes at the accusatory words. He listens to her let all her emotions out, and it takes her twenty minutes to collect herself. She curses him a little more before she sighs in defeat. “You promised to visit me every weekend, remember that Junmyeon-ah.”

“I will,” he glances around his mess of an apartment. “Do you want to help me get this place tidy?”

“I… don’t want to leave the house,” she replies. “I’m sorry, honey.”

Oh well, they aren’t close to begin with. “It’s okay. I’ll call you once I’m fully settled.”

✧

Kyungsoo and Yixing are great company. They help him get everything organized, take him out for lunch, and stock his fridge up for him. It’s a 1BHK apartment, small but cozy, and it fits all of Junmyeon’s things. They go back to his bungalow to get the rest of his things on a Sunday, he gets another earful from his mother, and two days after sneaking out, he finally has a new place to call home.

The three of them curl up on the new twin bed Junmyeon bought yesterday, exhausted from making the apartment liveable. It should feel like a fresh start, right? Now that he has moved out of his old house? But it doesn’t, and Kyungsoo points out why.

“When will you, uh,” he hesitates for a moment. “Don’t you need to take over your father or something?”

Junmyeon tucks himself under Kyungsoo’s chin, grumbles.

“You’re the new Suho,” Yixing says quietly. “I guess.”

Junmyeon thinks of the long, agonizing list of things he has to do. Grieving or not, the crime ring needs to function properly, and after his father, it’s his turn. He heaves a sigh, gets more comfortable against Kyungsoo’s chest and lets himself pretend he’s a normal guy for once. He doesn’t have a list of things to smuggle, no local gangs to order work to, and no crime families to visit and (re)establish connections. He’s not a son of a mobster right now, just a guy being held by his best friends.

“You need someone to help you with this stuff,” Kyungsoo says. Junmyeon is pressed between the two of them, they’re holding him in their arms. “Like an assistant. Like your dad had.”

“Yeah, like Eunkwang was.” Yixing’s hands are on Junmyeon’s hips, rubbing soothing circles there. Kyungsoo’s arms are wrapped around his shoulders.

“What if I don’t want to?” Junmyeon mutters. _What if it’s best for me to retire and search for a different job?_

He shakes their hands away after a moment, and sits up, hands on his friends’ thighs. Judging by the silence, they’re making their own lists of reasons why he should have assistance. A right hand man he trusts. Someone who isn’t them, because Kyungsoo isn’t under Oath and Yixing is… well, Junmyeon is dating him. It would be fun to spend more time with him, but dating your right hand man never ends well. Either the relationship dies or either of them will die.

A cold breeze from the window makes him shiver. The days are short now, the nights are freezing, and Seoul gives pretty pictures at the cost of possible frost bites. His apartment is cozier, less lonely with his best friends with him, but he knows they probably can’t stay the night.

“I vote for Tao,” Yixing says with a laugh. He places his hand on Junmyeon’s hip again, trying to pull him back to the bed. “You like that kid.”

Kyungsoo makes a confused noise. “Who?”

“The one who arranged the funeral,” Yixing explains. “Tall, looks cute but bites?”

That makes Junmyeon laugh.

“What?” Yixing grabs his hand and pulls him down harshly. “I didn’t say anything wrong! Don’t laugh!”

It makes him laugh more, his chest filled with tickles, and Yixing’s hand is pushing against his mouth to quiet him down. Junmyeon tugs it away, still giggling. “That was a spot-on description of Tao, that’s all.”

✧

It’s a struggle to put a name to their faces, so Junmyeon hides behind Tao — not literally, but he asks Tao to do most of the work. He pays him a lot more for the extra work, of course, but Junmyeon isn’t getting any better at remembering their faces.

“Minseok and Jongin took care of the new drugs.” Tao says.

He winces a little, but nods. He’s still getting used to how openly Tao says words like that — drugs, weapons, bribe, shoot. When he was a small part of this crime ring, they’d use code language so he could talk wherever he wanted, they still use such codes, but there’s no point for it when they’re in Junmyeon’s apartment, secure because the police hasn’t even begun to realize the crime ring has started working again.

“Lu is taking care of shipping the weapons here, and Yixing is still checking for the rat who went directly to the FBI.”

“That person is still missing?” Junmyeon asks. Tao ignores him and points at the fridge, he shrugs. “I think there’s some yogurt if you want. Did he figure out which family is this rat from, at least?”

“No,” Tao takes out an apple from the fridge, and bites into it. “Some people think that it’s Coast Kim’s tactic to throw the police off.”

Working has been difficult. He’s detached from it, unable to find himself a place despite how easily everyone accepted him as their new boss — the new Suho. They adapt to the nickname, call him ‘Suho’ without batting an eye, while he struggles to convince himself that it’s him they’re calling. They need to call him over and over again to get his attention.

“Does he need more help with it,” Junmyeon wonders to himself, then looks up at Tao for any hint. Tao shrugs. “Right? Yixing can do it himself.”

Besides, the more Yixing stays busy with work, the less time they spend together. Junmyeon hasn’t figured out how to break up with him yet, let alone _why_ he wants to do it in the first place. All he knows is that he needs to stop the relationship from going further — six months is enough time to say ‘I’m bored of this thing’, but he needs something more, Yixing won’t fall for that excuse easily. (And he’ll feel bad for lying to Yixing. This is the longest and most exciting relationship he’s ever had in his entire life.)

✧

Visiting his mother has become a boring chore now. He goes to the bungalow, ignores everything around him and makes a beeline to his mother’s bedroom. Everything is collecting dust in the bungalow, except for her door he always knocks (and never opens) and the bed she never leaves. He’s visiting a lot more frequently than he promised, because he’s losing her like quicksand. Every visit has been nothing but standing in front of the room, which gets increasingly foul smelling, and knocking.

“I’m not in the mood, Junmyeonnie,” his mother croaks from inside. “Please come back later.”

He mutters for her to take care, and walks away.

Maybe a better son would’ve forced her to take better care of herself, storm in her room, force the curtains apart to let sun rays illuminate the dark room, gently chide about the mess and start cleaning up. Maybe a better person would beg her to get out of the bed, but Junmyeon simply walks away.

He expects the same routine today as he lets himself into the bungalow. It’s been four months since his father passed away, but the passage of time has done nothing but widen the hole in his heart. He places a hand on the staircase railing and immediately groans, feeling the dust rub onto his hand. Begrudgingly, he looks around and acknowledges just how much of a mess this place has become — there hasn’t been any change since the funeral, but the dust makes it look like a haunted house. He hates it.

The journey to his mother’s room is longer this time. His mind is occupied with everything that’s happened. This hallway always stayed closed for guests whenever they had parties, but Junmyeon would bring strangers to the empty room next to his parents’ room as his own act of rebellion. His mother only shook her head with an amused smile if they made eye contact, while his father would glare for a second before dismissing him.

It was a frustrating reaction to his rebellion, but it made him trust his parents in the later years.

He fails to notice the door is open, and his fist falls to his side without touching the wood. There is no foul smell either.

She is looking at him with the same amused look as before, but her face looks older than she is. He walks in a little embarrassed, and notices how clean the room is. The blinds are still closed, but the lights are on.

“Hello, Junmyeonnie,” she opens her arms as he walks to her side of the bed. She holds him tightly, patting his head. A lump of sobs clogs his throat, threatening to choke him if he lets his feelings get the best of him. “I’m sorry I’ve neglected you in the past months, my baby.”

“You haven’t,” Junmyeon mutters, holding back his tears as much as he can. He needs to show her that he doesn’t need to be pampered anymore — he’s not a child, he’s matured; he’s taking care of things his father used to. “I’m glad to see you up.”

She nods as she lets him go. “It’s a good day.”

“Will you come to the kitchen? I’ll make you something good.” He tugs at her hand, and she surprisingly obliges. Junmyeon thinks he feels the hole in his chest disappear for a moment when she stands from the bed, her nightgown is worn out but she doesn’t seem to mind.

“I don’t think the kitchen is in a good shape to cook,” she chuckles a little. “How about we order something and clean up the dining table before it arrives?”

✧

He knows _he_ broke up with Yixing, he had plenty of time to brace himself for the feeling, to come up with words to break things off, but it still hurts. Half his day is spent cooped up in his apartment, under the heavy blanket and crying his eyes out.

No amount of crying helps with the horrible feeling, for some reason, but soon there are no tears left. He walks around his apartment with an empty chest, lingering near the little frame of his family he keeps on the coffee table. Is this similar to what his mother felt? Empty, but with no hopes of getting her husband back.

For unknown reasons, he assumed breaking up would mean his life would get a _real_ beginning. He no longer has the same boyfriend, he’s operating the crime ring on a whole different level, and his relationship with his mother feels new as well. She’s doing so much better now, the frequency of her bouts of depression has lessened, and she agreed to hire a few people to keep the bungalow clean and to keep her company for a while. But nothing feels different, there’s still a gape in his chest.

Yixing is at least alive, he forces himself to acknowledge that. Yixing isn’t dead, and that’s a good thing. But the reminders make him feel worse for his mother. She couldn’t leave the bed for four months, and even after seven months have passed, she refuses to go anywhere else. Her movements are confined to her room, the bathroom, and the dining table. On her better days, she watches her son cook average-tasting foreign dishes and makes some jokes about how _she_ was a disaster in the kitchen, instead of her husband.

His phone’s alarm goes off, reminding him he needs to go visit his mother. 

He pulls himself together; washes his face, trying to get rid of the puffiness, and wears decent clothes. He bookmarks a new recipe for her to try — it’s an Indonesian one today, a cuisine she’s never thought of trying. Just because she refuses to go out and eat in a real restaurant doesn’t mean her palette should remain restricted.

Junmyeon blasts his favourite song in the car, keeping it on repeat until he reaches the bungalow. The song makes him cry sometimes, and today it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth.

He knocks on the door, checking his face on the phone once again. He looks a bit puffy, but it’s a lot better thanks to the fresh evening air.

A servant opens the door, beams at him and lets him in. “It’s not one of her best days,” the servant says, frowning. “But I think she’ll feel better when she sees you.”

“I hope so.” He mutters and makes his way to her room.

She’s looking out of the windows when he opens the door. One curtain remains drawn, but the single window is enough to light up the whole room. The room is a bit messy, her hair remains undone, her nightgown looks fresh though. She definitely has some makeup on her face.

“Hello~” He sings, trying to gauge her mood. “Your favourite son is here~”

She continues to stare out of the window.

“Moomm,” he whines, walking up to her and hugging her from behind. She jumps a little, then chuckles. “How dare you ignore me~”

“Oh no, I’m sorry,” she steps out of the hug, but she’s smiling. “How dare I ignore the prince?”

These visits have been good for the both of them. His mother refuses to go to a professional for help, so he masks every suggestion Kyungsoo gives by saying his ‘colleague’ is in a similar situation and this is what he does.

“Exactly,” he giggles as she squishes his cheeks between her palms. “I think you should colour your hair as a punishment.”

“Never,” she fakes a gasp, pushing him away gently. “You can’t punish a queen!”

Junmyeon doesn’t know exactly when they began these little skits, but they make him feel good. It feels like they’re in their little bubble, away from every responsibility they have; they’re just two people enjoying each other’s company, a tiny, happy family.

“I found a new recipe,” Junmyeon tells her and shows her the website he bookmarked. He grabs her glasses from the nightstand and passes it to her. “It’s Indonesian.”

Like any other old person, she keeps her glasses near the tip of her nose, a pout on her lips as she reads through it. She tilts her head down and looks at him skeptically. “You think you can pull it off?”

“Of course,” he offers his arm. “You should watch me if you don’t believe it.”

She laughs softly, then huffs like she’s offended. She takes his arm. “Maybe I will, what if you poison my food as your punishment?”

“Such grave accusations,” he shakes his head, leading her down the stairs. “You don’t trust your own son.”

It has been seven months since his father died, and twenty hours since he broke up with Yixing. He’s no longer mourning his father thanks to his mother’s presence, but he’s worried he won’t move on Yixing — especially because he’s alone in this journey.

✧

It might’ve taken him a whole year, but he’s proud of finally getting his mother out of the bungalow for their mother-son date. She even dressed up to meet him, and as much as Junmyeon wants to ask her to start going out with her friends, he doesn’t want to push his luck. He climbs the stairs to his apartment with a feeling of triumph over the day.

“Don’t bother, I’m not even sure someone lives there.”

Junmyeon pauses, moving near the wall and peeks around the corner. He finds his neighbour talking to someone else with a little box in their hands. In a year of living here, Junmyeon’s neighbours haven’t changed much — at least he thinks they haven’t, he’s barely home, he has no clue about most of their faces, let alone where they live. The new person is a lot taller than his neighbour, they aren’t far apart for Junmyeon’s guess about his height to be wrong. He’s definitely at least 6 feet. He’s wearing overalls with an orange t-shirt inside, his sleeves cuffed.

“Oh? But I saw someone leave from here when I was moving in,” The new guy says, then shrugs. “Oh well. I guess I’ll give them this later.”

Junmyeon hides behind the wall when both of them move. It’s unlikely either of them have seen him, and it’s not like they’ll recognize him as anyone but their possible neighbour. Junmyeon isn’t on the TV or anything. To them, he’s just a normal guy living a normal life.

He steps around the corner, almost runs into the new guy. He stumbles backwards, then grabs at the new guy’s arm just to make sure he isn’t falling.

“Sorry,” He lets his arm go. “I’m a little tired, didn’t see you there.”

The new guy’s cute. He looks a little cold, but the slight demeanor of being emotionless is broken by a cute smile. He’s cute in so many ways, what the fuck.

“It’s okay, are you fine?”

Junmyeon nods. “I’ll see you around.” He says and starts walking towards his apartment. He hopes the cute guy notices where he’s heading, honestly. He wants to look back and check, but he doesn’t until he’s near the door.

“Oh! You live here,” The new guy is quick to come near Junmyeon, almost making Junmyeon back up against the door. He puts arm length distance between them when he notices he’s stepping into his neighbour’s personal space. He holds out the box in his hand and opens it. “I hope you like sweets.”

There is a single pile of Dalgona candy in the box. “What’s this?” Junmyeon grins.

“Candy,” The guy lowers the box. “Were you expecting something else?”

“I’ll take a candy,” Junmyeon takes a piece. He’ll probably just… give this to Jongin instead. Jongin works on sugar rushes from candies like this. “I haven’t seen people give anything after moving anywhere.”

“I like getting to know my neighbours,” The guy shrugs. “You can take more, I have two more boxes with me.”

“I don’t have a sweet-tooth, sorry.” Junmyeon fishes out his apartment key, then gestures at the door next to him. “I need to go. I’ll see you around.”

The guy grins. Junmyeon wonders what it’d feel like to kiss that grin off his face. “I’ll see you around.”

✧

Junmyeon lays on his bed, reading a book on his phone in the dark. He could switch on the lights and save his eyes from more damage, but the switch is across the room. It’s 2:30AM, he promised Minseok he’ll stay in his bed after 1 tonight. So this is his best option. (Minseok meant sleep, he knows that, but loopholes are the best thing in the whole world.)

He can’t say he doesn’t miss social media, but he’s used up all of his time limit with every single social app he has on his phone. This book is interesting. He started reading it in hopes of being lulled into sleep, but it became entertaining somewhere in the second page.

It has been a tiring day, but sleep doesn’t come to him easily. He’s out like a light if the day is even a little emotionally heavy, but that doesn’t happen in his… stream of work. A lot of it is physical labor, the strain comes from getting angry and yelling at people, but that’s something Junmyeon is used to. He can’t handle bad news related to people he’s close with, fighting with people who are supposed to have his back. He trusts them, of course, but a single fight sends him into an anxious spiral.

His phone pings loudly, the notification box covers up the line Junmyeon was reading.

[Yixing] _go to sleep, myeon_

He laughs, taps on the contact and calls Yixing.

“A message is not an invitation to call,” Yixing says instead of ‘hello’, then sighs. “Why aren’t you sleeping?”

“I’m reading a book,” Junmyeon replies. “I just can’t sleep.”

“Start taking pills or something. Knock yourself out for three more hours. We have stuff to do at 5 today.”

“I can’t do three hours, I have—” Junmyeon checks his phone. “Two hours and sixteen minutes to sleep.”

He can see Yixing rolling his eyes. “Junmyeon.”

“Yixing,” Junmyeon mocks, then chuckles into his hand. “Why aren’t you sleeping?”

“I woke up from a nap. You don’t get to question me, I take naps throughout the day. I don’t have the confidence of becoming a vampire like you.”

“A few days with me is all that will take, Yixing,” Junmyeon says, covers his smug grin with his hand even though Yixing can’t see him right now.

Talking and flirting like this makes Junmyeon want to go back, take all of his words back, reverse all of his actions — especially the breaking up — and have Yixing in his bed. Hold Yixing in his arms while he talks (scolds) Junmyeon for not sleeping, instead of through the phone. He wants to kiss Yixing’s throat as he talks like this, teasing him without hesitation because they aren’t surrounded by people who can’t see anything but the scary side of Junmyeon, touching and squeezing any part he pleases. He wants to feel the warmth of another body in bed with him.

“I have no interest in vampirism, thanks,” Yixing chuckles. The door opens in his background, followed by footsteps, then a kissing noise from Yixing. “I need to go.”

But Yixing has already moved on. He has a boyfriend now, so unless the new boyfriend is okay with suddenly sharing Yixing, Junmyeon is sure nothing is going to work out. Besides, the new boyfriend? Wu Yifan? He’s far too amazing for Junmyeon to beat him in this hypothetical game. He takes care of Yixing, does these overly romantic things Yixing likes, and Yixing doesn’t like him a lot yet, but Junmyeon can see them being in _love._

“Good night.” Junmyeon hangs up before Yixing can reply. It’s kind of annoying that he still has some feelings, but can you blame him or his heart when Yixing is the epitome of a perfect partner?

He tosses the phone to the edge of the bed, buries his face into his pillow and groans loudly. He still has feelings for Yixing, this isn’t good. Yixing has a boyfriend now. A boyfriend that isn’t Junmyeon, so he better move on.

His pity party comes to an abrupt stop when he hears loud English music coming through the wall. It must be the new guy — maybe he didn’t notice how thin the walls are? Or maybe he’s the kind of jerk who doesn’t care that some people are trying to sleep. But Junmyeon hasn’t checked where exactly the new guy lives, there’s a possibility he’s calling the new guy a jerk for no reason.

The only way to find out is to knock on the door. Junmyeon gets out of the bed, dragging his feet as he moves, and makes his way to the front door. The music is still loud, coming through the left side, but it’s a nice song, he can acknowledge that much.

Harsh fluorescent lights of the corridor feel like needles to his eyes, Junmyeon narrows his eyes, eyebrows achingly heavy on his head, and scowls at the lamps. Even though he was staring at his phone a few minutes before this, the lights are unforgiving to his poor eyes. The corridor is colder than his bed, so he crosses his arms over his chest, tucks his hands under his arms until he’s adjusted.

He walks over to the door, ‘Apt. 103’ taped right above the eyehole. He knocks and tucks his fist back again, his eyes slowly adjusting to the lighting around him. He finally stops frowning when the door clicks and opens inward.

It _is_ the cute new guy. “Hello,” He opens the door fully, giving Junmyeon a view of his messy living room. It has at least four open boxes, and a few clothes scattered on the floor. The song is louder now, filling up the whole corridor, and the new guy doesn’t look sleepy or disturbed the slightest. “Can I help you?”

“I can hear the music through the walls,” Junmyeon smiles a little, trying to be polite. It’d be a shame if this person is so cute and ends up being an asshole.

“Oh!” The look of realization on his face is down-right adorable. He scrambles inside, and the volume of lowers. Junmyeon can’t hear the song anymore. The new guy comes back, his cheeks red. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know the walls were so thin.”

“It’s okay,” Junmyeon laughs. “It was a nice song, though. English?”

“Yeah,” The guy nods. “Do you listen to English songs?”

“Sometimes,” Junmyeon replies. Yixing forces him to listen to his favourite English songs, that counts for something. “What’s the song called?”

“Watermelon Sugar,” he says, leaning his head against the door. “It’s by Harry Styles. It’s a fun song.”

“Clearly, if you were playing at 2 in the morning.” Junmyeon grins.

The new guy’s face becomes red. “I’m sorry for that. The whole place is so quiet every minute, I thought maybe the walls are a new kind of soundproof? Thin but still doing its work somehow.”

“I think the landlord picks out the quietest ones to live here,” he shrugs. “Anyway, you should get some sleep. Good night~”

He starts walking away confidently, waves at his neighbour before the door closes. Once he’s inside his apartment, Junmyeon cups his hot face and groans. Why is he trying to flirt with someone when he isn’t over Yixing yet?

✧

In Junmyeon’s line of work, he’s learnt, emergencies are more common than one would expect. He jumps and yells a little when something vibrates under his pillow, a stupidly loud tune ringing in his ears. “Shut up,” he groans. It’s from Yixing. He picks up the call and groans again. “What is it, Yixing?”

“H-he got stabbed,” Yifan sobs. “I don’t know what to do, Kyungsoo isn’t picking up.”

He shoots out of bed, changing his pajama pants to jeans, and continues talking to Yifan while he wrestles the jeans on. “Is he bleeding a lot? Is the knife still in his body?”

“No, they took it away, he’s fucking bleeding all over the place—”

“I’m fine,” comes Yixing’s voice, a little pained. “Cut the fucking call, Yifan, I’ll be okay.”

“You’re gonna die if we don’t—”

“Yifan,” Junmyeon curses under his breath when he realizes his car is with Kyungsoo. He grabs his wallet and keys and dashes out of his house. “Hold onto the wound, press on it, that’s going to stop the bleeding, okay? Don’t freak out on me. You’re okay with blood right?”

He gets a taxi as soon as he steps on the footpath. “Where are you? I’m on my way.”

“In our apartment,” Yifan’s voice is a little distant. “How long till it stops?”

“I don’t know, Kyungsoo says pressing will make it stop.”

“Junmyeon, don’t you fuckin’ dare come here,” Yixing hisses at a distance. “It’s just a scratch, Yifan isn’t letting me dress it!”

If it were someone else, perhaps Junmyeon would’ve diverted his route to a different place after hearing that, but it’s Yixing and Junmyeon still feels a little too much for his best friend. “No,” he says. “They got to your damn apartment, that’s fucking serious.”

“It isn’t,” Yixing argues.

“Yifan, clean all the blood once the bleeding has stopped. I’ll be there soon, don’t stop pressing on the cut.” he hangs up the call, asks the driver to go a little faster.

✧

He scans the alley leading up to Yixing’s apartment, trying to find any security cameras they might need to hack into later. There isn’t a single camera around, which shouldn’t be surprising since Yixing doesn’t really like being caught doing any of his work. But it would’ve come handy here. If Yifan hasn’t seen the assaulter’s face, they’re going to need _something_ to work with, not a just threat of someone else getting hurt.

When he knocks on the door, Yifan opens it. He’s still crying, and he points inside, opening the door further to let him in. “He got stabbed in the kitchen, he’s still there.”

Yixing’s (and now Yifan’s too, he guesses) apartment is smaller than his. The kitchen and living room aren’t separated, and aside from these two, there is a single bedroom and a bathroom. Junmyeon has no clue how he lives here, or how it doesn’t feel too much and too little at the same time.

He finds Yixing lying down, a pillow under his head. He is staring at Junmyeon with a smile as he walks up to him, and laughs when his best friend checks the cut first.

“What, no hello?”

“Fuck you,” Junmyeon snaps at him. It’s a powerful stab, the knife definitely went deep. Yifan did a good job considering it’s his first time, but it needs to be treated better. “Who was it?”

“He wore a ski mask and he was fully clothed, I couldn’t figure it out.” Yixing shrugs. Junmyeon is furious he’s being so… normal about this, but he also knows his best friend has been stabbed and has stabbed others plenty of times. It is normal to him. Maybe just not in his own apartment.

“Call Soo again,” Junmyeon tells Yifan, glancing over his shoulder, then looks at Yixing. “Let’s put you to bed till Soo comes here. I bet that’s more comfortable.”

He supports Yixing as he moves, Yifan comes to their aid with his phone pressed between his ear and shoulder, and they move him to the bed. Yixing leans against the wall, beaming at both the men in front of him. Junmyeon wants to smack him, and he waits until Yifan leaves.

“Ow,” Yixing rubs his arm with a pout. “I was stabbed like, two minutes ago, don’t hit me.”

“You’re an asshole, you know that? What would you do if I had taken you seriously and went somewhere else, huh?”

“Honestly? I would’ve dressed this thing better, it was hard to do anything with Yifan crying so much.” Yixing looks down at the wound, presses his fingers against it and winces. “He tried his best, really, but I could’ve done better without him.”

Junmyeon bites his inner cheek instead of pointing out how dumb he sounds. Having someone take care of him during these situations is a blessing, but some part of him is still jealous of Yian so he lets himself enjoy this moment. “But it’s a good thing he was here. Do you think he saw the person?”

Yifan comes back into the room, no longer crying, and sits near Yixing. “Kyungsoo said he’ll be here in a few minutes.”

“You did so well,” Yixing places a hand on Yifan’s nape and pulls him closer, his head against his boyfriend’s shoulder. “Thank you so much, baby.”

The moment is too intimate. Junmyeon knows he shouldn’t be staring, but he can’t help thinking how much better he would take care of Yixing. He knows what to do with a stab wound, he definitely wouldn’t cry, and Kyungsoo would pick up his call on the first go. Yixing wouldn’t need to coddle him, they wouldn’t need Kyungsoo to redo the wound dressing, just check it to make sure it’s right.

He looks away before Yixing notices he’s staring, and takes out his phone to text Kyungsoo.

[Kyungsoo] _omw in 2_

“Soo will be here in two minutes,” he announces, then looks at the couple. They nod at him, go back to chatting happily. “I’ll get some water.”

Walking into the kitchen, Junmyeon gets himself a glass of water before he leans against the counter and tries to stop feeling jealous. His relationship with Yixing was going fine until he felt too scared to be happy — especially because his mother was still recovering. The little flutter in his chest turned into painful twists which choked him, anything cute Yixing did resulted in a whole stampede in his stomach and it was all too much for him. Somedays, he thinks he did the right thing, but he doesn’t agree with that right now.

Everything felt too good to be true. He’s never had a relationship for more than two months, and they were doing _great_ even on their six month anniversary. Kyungsoo says Junmyeon chickened out, sabotaged it himself because he didn’t like having a good partner — he never had good tolerance with bullshit, especially coming from his best friends. Despite rebutting his words, Junmyeon has a feeling that’s true. Perhaps watching his mother suffer without her partner made him feel guilty for having one. He hopes Kyungsoo isn’t right.

A knock on the door snaps him out of it. He opens the door, and finds Kyungsoo with bed hair and wearing mis-matched pajamas.

“In the bedroom,” he lets Kyungsoo in and closes the door behind himself. “Yifan did his best.”

Junmyeon follows him. Kyungsoo ignores Yixing’s greeting and kneels on the bed. “Yifan, get me some cotton, bandages, and antiseptic,” he starts removing the dressing carefully, looking at Yixing occasionally to check his reaction. “And Junmyeon, get some orange juice, or lemon juice.”

“I’m fine, Soo,” Yixing whines. “Junmyeon, just get me water.”

“You’re not the boss here.” Junmyeon teases and goes back to the kitchen. He returns with four boxed orange juices, passes on to Yifan (God knows he needs this the most), then keeps two on the nightstand near Yixing.

He takes the blanket near Yixing’s leg and puts it around Yifan’s shoulders. “I saw people in the movies do this,” he shrugs when he gets a weird look. “For people in shock.”

Kyungsoo finishes his work, and passes the juice to Yixing. He looks at Junmyeon after taking a sip of his juice, asking, “Who was it?”

“No idea yet,” Junmyeon checks his watch. It’s 7 in the morning, but not many groups are active so early in the morning. “He wore a ski mask.”

“It could be anyone, frankly.” Yixing shrugs. He pats Yifan’s thigh with his leg, pouting a little. “Can you leave us alone for a second, baby?”

Once they’re left alone, Junmyeon and Kyungsoo sit next to Yixing, legs crossed on the bed.

“I might’ve picked up a fight with the Slug on my way back yesterday,” Yixing mutters, wringing his hands in his lap.

Kyungsoo groans.

“I know, I know,” Yixing laughs nervously. “But he’s not part of their gang anymore and I saw him stalk Tao!”

The Slug used to work for Jeju’s Sang family, they take care of the transnational smuggling between South Korea and other countries. Yixing has never quite liked the Slug or the Sang family, he has a different history with them, but there are rumours as to why Slug was expelled from under their protection. Considering how freely he’s roaming around the streets of here, Junmyeon suspects he’s under police protection.

“So?” Kyungsoo whacks Yixing’s thigh. “You got stabbed because of that bastard.”

“I think it’s him, there are a lot of people of his stature who prefer me dead.”

Junmyeon lays back on the bed, places his head on Yixing’s ankle. “You’re a fucking idiot, Yixing. What did you say to him?”

“Just threatened him to leave Taozi alone,” Yixing shrugs. He watches his best friends stare at him with bored expressions and sighs. “And told him I’ll fuck him over soon, _nicely._ I promise.”

“Oh we know your ‘nice’ fucking over,” Junmyeon rolls his eyes, wanting to kick Yixing right in the stab wound. Yixing’s ‘fucking over’ someone is by creating chaos in whatever their work is, it’s close to impossible to clean up the mess he makes. “He didn’t let you fuck him over, clearly.”

“We don’t know if it’s him!”

Kyungsoo sighs, annoyed. “When has that ever left you without any injuries, Yixing?”

“Once!” Yixing beams like that’s something to be proud of. “It went fine with Junmyeon.”

He flushes at the memory. It’s kind of embarrassing. He newly discovered that he’s gay, he was distracted by a lot of things and misheard Yixing. It made him so flustered he stupidly said, ‘Fine. What time?’ Everyone just laughed and brushed it off, and Yixing approached him later with a kinder face and their friendship began budding.

Yifan walks in with another box of orange juice and gives it to Yixing. “Are you guys staying over? I’m making breakfast.”

“I’m eating out, I have to go somewhere soon.” Junmyeon says. Kyungsoo shakes his head and offers to help Yifan with the breakfast. When both of them leave, Yixing tugs at his hand to pull him into a sitting position, his face serious. “What?”

“I know what the knife looked like,” he squeezes Junmyeon’s hand. “It’s a normal one, I think we have one in the kitchen too? But it had something engraved on it, in gold.”

Fuck. That’s a signature of a particular crime family. Junmyeon can only _pray_ it isn’t one of Coast Kim’s men.

✧

He drags his feet across the corridor, willing his legs to move just a little, so he collapses in the safety of his apartment instead of the very public corridor. It’s 11:10PM, it’ll be extremely embarrassing to have his neighbours find him passed out in front of his door. He reaches for the knob, twists it and grunts when he realizes he needs the keys.

“Please,” he whispers to the door, legs shaking with exhaustion. “Please let it be open because someone broke in to steal or something.”

He tries to push the door but of course it doesn’t budge. Junmyeon groans.

“Are you okay?”

Junmyeon looks over his shoulder and finds his cute neighbour, arms holding four books against his chest, and looking worriedly at him. Junmyeon musters up a smile for him, turns around and leans his back against the door. His neighbour gestures at the door. “Have you forgotten your keys?”

For unknown reasons, Junmyeon nods.

“Oh,” his neighbour pouts, shoves his hand into his jeans’ pockets and takes out his keys. “You look tired, do you want to wait in my apartment and call someone?”

“I don’t want to trouble you,” Junmyeon shakes his head. He leans his head on the door as well. “Are you coming back from the library?”

“Evening college,” his neighbour walks up the door, stuffs the key in, unlocks the door, and looks at Junmyeon. “I really wouldn’t mind if you waited inside. I’ll feel like I’m abandoning a cute kitty without food.”

Junmyeon laughs unexpectedly. “Kitty? I’m pretty sure I’m older than a college kid.”

“I’m twenty-five!”

“Still a college kid,” Junmyeon sticks his tongue out, teasing. “I’m twenty-eight, though. You’re still younger than me, you shouldn’t compare elders to cats.”

His neighbour rolls his eyes. “I’m sorry for being concerned, _hyung.”_

“There we go,” he giggles, his tiredness fading slowly. “Now I’ll consider your offer.”

“Come on,” his neighbour nudges the door further open, and takes a step in. “I’ll make you some tea, if you’d like?”

“Are you a college kid with a functional schedule?” Junmyeon teases as he makes his way near his neighbour’s door. “You seem very put-together.”

The inside of the apartment is very messy, even without the moving boxes now. Nevermind.

“I’m Oh Sehun,” his neighbour toes his shoes off and beckons him closer. “And this is my humble abode which is usually this messy.”

How bold of him, Junmyeon thinks. He definitely would’ve given the ‘I’ve been busy with college’ excuse and pretend it’s always neat and clean. It makes him grin tiredly, and he resists the urge to melt down to the ground, sleep right in front of the door. He removes his shoes and takes a step inside. “Kim Junmyeon.”

Sehun begins picking up a few clothes from the loveseat, makes one part clean and gestures towards it. “Here.”

“I feel bad for bothering you like this,” he takes out his phone and dials Kyungsoo, unmoving from his place no matter how much his legs are on the verge of breaking from sheer fatigue. “I’ll be out quick, I promise.”

“Junmyeon- _hyung,”_ Sehun frowns, still looking cute, and pats the space he cleared up. “You should be considerate of your younger ones’ effort, I cleared this just for you!”

That makes him blush a little. Junmyeon walks towards it and prods at the cushions with a fake suspicious look, glancing at Sehun with a teasing smile. “I hope it’s safe to sit on.”

“Of course,” Sehun grins sweetly, equally teasing as he holds up the things and clothes he picked up. “All clear.”

If Junmyeon was any less tired, he would’ve commented on the little spring pushing against his thigh, but even a little bit of support for his whole body is welcome at the moment. He sighs loudly, squirms a little to get more comfortable, and looks gratefully at the younger man. He’s forgotten about his call until a loud, steel-on-marble-floor noise comes from the other side, making both of them squeak in surprise.

“Sorry,” Junmyeon checks to make sure the call isn’t on speaker, (the call was picked up 20 seconds ago, oops) then presses it near his ear. “Hey.”

“What is it? I have my rounds in a few minutes.” Kyungsoo doesn’t sound annoyed, but Junmyeon has a feeling any little mistake from the new guy he’s training will set him off.

“Soo, where are the spare keys?” Junmyeon glances around. He finds Sehun nowhere, the bedroom door is closed, so Junmyeon cups his hand over his mouth and whispers, “I need you to pretend to tell me where it is.”

“Huh? One minute,” Kyungsoo talks to someone else for a second, then turns his attention back to Junmyeon. “Okay. Uh, so it's in the lamp? Near the door?”

With the little energy he gained from sitting on the loveseat, Junmyeon walks out of the door. He fumbles with his keychain bunch and separates the house key from the chains. He thanks Kyungsoo and cuts the call, walks in with the single key in his hand. This might seem like too much work for a neighbour he might see once in a full moon, but he can’t risk it. He can’t trust Sehun, even if he’s charming in a unique way.

Said man is out of the room, his college clothes swapped for something more home appropriate: a pajama shirt and boxers. He isn’t judging, really, because if it were his apartment, Junmyeon would also be walking around in boxers (hell, sometimes it’s _just_ boxers, this guy has the decency of a shirt). While his upper body is fully covered, his legs are on full display. Junmyeon’s eyes linger on his thighs, but Sehun doesn’t seem to notice it thankfully.

“Your friend dropped it so quickly?” he asks, a little surprised when Junmyeon shows him the single key.

“He kept it in the lamp,” Junmyeon shrugs. “Thank you for letting me stay here, but I need a nap.”

“See you around,” Sehun waves a little, smiling. “Can I continue calling you ‘hyung’ for non-joke purposes?”

“Sure.”

✧

Junmyeon doesn’t trust a lot of those who work for him, even if he’s friendly with them, but Tao — that kid, he could get away with walking away from this life even after the Oath. Junmyeon probably wouldn’t put a hit on his head if he did. He likes Tao so much, he likes calling him ‘Zitao’ now, it’s more endearing in his opinion.

“Find out if it was Coast Kim’s men or not,” he tells Zitao over the phone. “And don’t kill them, just stab him with a random knife — hell, use the same knife and stab him in the stomach.” His phone is pressed between his cheek and shoulder, his hands busy with checking new packages that will be shipped in a week, to Hong Kong and Sri Lanka.

This is just a small sample of drugs, just 5 pills, made as a striking copy of over-the-counter pills, and Junmyeon has non-prescription meds on the table to compare. He probably doesn’t need to do this kind of checking, but his dad used to make his most trusted men check every shipment which came in, it eases his mind to do this. It’s also very stupid of him to do this in Kyungsoo’s house — or anywhere, really, his dad would’ve trusted whoever checked it but Junmyeon lacks such trust, especially when he doesn’t know who is behind this.

“Do I have a deadline?” Zitao asks quietly.

Yixing was stabbed three days ago, it’s starting to feel like he’s failing as a mafia boss. He’s depending on the kid too much, he’d rather give him more time and ignore the feeling of failure. He easily ignored his fear of failing classes in college, at least some of his experience is coming handy. “Take your time finding that guy.”

“Cool. Update you everyday?”

“Every week’s fine,” He slides the box away and inspects both of them a little closely. The drug has a little ‘C’ carved on the sides, while the pharmaceutical drug has a ‘G’ on the same side. “Better not keep me waiting long, Zitao.”

He cuts the call before he can get a reply. He’s waiting for Kyungsoo to come out of the bathroom and tie his bowtie for him. 

✧

They aren’t things to be compared, of course, but Junmyeon finds himself thinking how much he’d rather go to a funeral than a wedding. The worst part is that he’s expected to have company, arm candy for the mafia boss, but that’s simply impossible. Junmyeon learnt his lesson with Yixing, he doesn’t plan on dating anyone whom he works with — and if that’s the case, he really can’t bring them to people’s weddings. They’re always barely connected, but he has to show his face to people he has connections with.

These weddings are a glaring reminder of the lack of satisfaction in his work. He still doesn’t feel like he belongs, and these occasions makes it more obvious how he doesn’t fit well among the people who are rejoicing. It’s Coast Kim’s granddaughter’s wedding. The old man is now over sixty years old, and still rocks a suit better than anyone of his age. He’s one of the best-dressed people Junmyeon knows, and if he’s being honest, he wants to become like Coast Kim when he’s sixty. Maybe with a husband instead of a wife, but that’s all he would change.

When he walks up to the woman in white, he gives her the bouquet he bought, and goes straight to Coast Kim. The old man beams upon seeing him. “Ah, Suho, you came.”

“Of course, sir, I wouldn’t miss your favourite granddaughter’s wedding.” He immediately steps beside the old man when he is asked to, and whispers to him. “I was hoping to talk business with you, though.”

“Not here, not here,” the man laughs. “You and your father are so alike, I must say. Always business, be it weddings or otherwise. Give me a minute to be let off by my wife.”

But he disappears into the crowd. Junmyeon never gets the chance to warn him that Slug might be working for the police.

✧

He crashes at Kyungsoo’s place after the unsuccessful wedding, sleeps naked because Kyungsoo has night duty and it’s better to die than touch any of his friend’s clothes without permission. His best friend doesn’t like people touching his stuff without permission, especially not his clothes — they’re his little treasures. He’s too tired to call and ask which ones he can wear. He wiggles out of the suit, haphazardly losens the bowtie and throws them in a pile, the cleanest pile Junmyeon has ever managed being this tired, and a black spot for Kyungsoo’s well-kept room.

He wakes up to Kyungsoo snuggling under the blanket with him, still wearing dirty blue scrubs from his hospital.

“Good morning,” Junmyeon passes him some of his blanket. “Can I take your clothes?”

“Clean ones are in the laundry basket.” Kyungsoo murmurs, turns his back to Junmyeon. “Tao called your phone but I cut it because of your annoying ringtone.”

“Thanks,” Junmyeon leans over and kisses Kyungsoo’s head. “I’ll send you lunch.”

He gets silence from the nurse. He darts to the little laundry place Kyungsoo has made in his apartment, teeth-clattering from having so much of his skin exposed, and takes out a hoodie and sweatpants — wears them quickly, and goes back to the bed to tuck Kyungsoo in properly. _You’d make a great trophy husband,_ Yixing’s voice rings in his head. If only he could be the trophy husband instead of the person who might have a trophy spouse.

He grabs a plastic cover to stuff his suit inside it, and calls Tao once he’s back in his car.

✧

Junmyeon finds Sehun pocketing his house keys, the college bag hanging from his shoulders, another cloth bag filled to brim.

“I thought you attend an evening college,” he jokes. He takes out his apartment keys but leans against the door with a smug grin. “Or was that a lie to hide your identity, Mr. FBI?”

Sehun chuckles a little, scoffs as he comes closer to the door. He leans against the wall as well, mimicking Junmyeon. “I wish I was that cool to work with the FBI. I help my dad out with his flower shop, that’s all.”

Junmyeon hides his annoyance. FBI is not ‘cool’ — they don’t deserve such association. “At least you won’t get killed at your job.” he grins.

“You’re so wrong,” Sehun beams. “Valentines’ Day? I’m sure so much blood from those thorns will be the reason I die.”

“You sound proud of it, though.” Junmyeon lazily fixes the key in the keyhole, then gestures to Sehun’s cloth bag. “Is that flower shop stuff, then?”

“Sponges and gauze for the bouquets, it came after I closed the shop.” Sehun shrugs and checks his phone. “I need to open it, I’ll see you around hyung.”

“You’ll see me next door,” Junmyeon cackles. Sehun rolls his eyes, but he cracks a smile anyway. “Bye, Sehun.”

He’s pushing the door inward when Sehun stops in his tracks and turns around. “Wait! I need to tell you something.”

Junmyeon pauses, looking at him curiously. There are a lot of things which come to mind: FBI, maybe someone dropped off his package and Sehun has it (God forbid), but he pushes the thoughts away and waits.

“The lamp isn’t the best place to hide the key,” Sehun grins. “Maybe trust your neighbours with the spare ones.”

“Just break into my house like a professional, Sehun.”

“I’m serious!” Sehun whines. “These lamps are loose, I saw someone’s key fall out of it! I don’t want to break into your house.” he pouts.

“You’re cute,” Junmyeon laughs. “Thank you for the heads up~”

✧

“I found the guy.”

They’re at Kyungsoo’s apartment again, because Kyungsoo said he missed hanging out and wants to do that. He didn’t expect Tao to call him. Junmyeon inhales sharply, bracing for the impact. “Who?”

“It’s Slug,” Tao chuckles a little. “There’s a little problem, though. He works for Coast Kim now.”

Unfortunately, it’s the worst possible scenario. But he’ll get what he deserves either way, Junmyeon thinks. “Alright. Keep an eye on him until I talk to the old man.”

Ending the call, Junmyeon tosses his phone onto the carpet below and groans into the couch cushion. Yixing and Kyungsoo laugh at him from the kitchen.

“Stop laughing at my misery,” he yells at them, and gets more laughter in response. “Both of you are terrible.”

On one hand, he needs to make sure Slug knows ‘Suho’ and anyone who is working for him isn’t to be messed with; but he doesn’t have the heart for it anymore. He doesn’t feel the rage he felt on the day he saw Yixing on the kitchen floor with a smug grin on his face — it has been just a week since the incident. 

That’s what stopped his dad from involving him too. He didn’t forgive or forget, sure, but his grudges come out better with words. With jabs which nobody expects and it hurts so much that people conspire to kill him for months together. He never required a knife or a gun to hurt people.

There’s no other way. He has to give Slug what he deserves, but maybe without the anger he felt back then it’s less of a good idea and more of a scary responsibility. Besides, talking to Coast Kim about it will be… difficult. He’s protective of his people, and there’s no way in hell he’ll let Junmyeon take care of the little business without threatening to uproot their connection.

✧

As expected, Coast Kim makes the most rational decision anyone would make. Junmyeon doesn’t even stand a chance to explain. 

“He did it before—”

“Suho,” Coast Kim cuts him off, sighing the name. “I get that you get this name because of your father, but it’s about saving face — why do you care so much for vengeance?”

He frowns, eyebrows furrowing. “What?”

“You need to let this go,” the old man takes a long puff of his cigarette and grins at him. “It doesn’t matter if the guy did it before or after joining us, he’s ours now, I won’t let you hurt him.”

Sometimes, Junmyeon forgets he’s trying to be civilized with an old man who enjoys violence, and most of all, cares naught for anything but himself. There must be a reason he’s trying to protect Slug.

 _Fuck you,_ Junmyeon thinks as he stands up calmly and walks away. _Fuck your whole family._

His plan of action has two options now: stab Slug and make it look like an accident, or just stab him and threaten to make him miserable if he lets this slip to Coast Kim.

✧

He wears a dark blue suit for this wedding, but this time he has no clue who is getting married. He got an invitation, sure, but he doesn’t know them personally. Maybe it’s someone his dad knew. He’s making an effort to show up at every possible place so he can fish Slug out from the crowd and fucking stab him in a place nobody finds him for an hour. 

The suit is his father’s but it’s tailored to fit him now, and the suit jacket wraps around his waist perfectly.He takes a picture in the mirror and sends it to his mother, she might like seeing him wear this. She can handle little reminders now, he’s proud of her. Last time he wore this, Yixing had laughed, wrapped his arms around Junmyeon’s waist and said, “You look so handsome, it’s stupid.” and kissed him. 

A knock on the door distracts him from mulling over Yixing. He checks in the eyehole with a hand on the door knob. It’s Sehun.

“Hey,” he twists the knob, opens the door fully and leans against it. “To what do I owe this pleasure?”

Sehun blinks, looking at him from head to toe, then gulps. “Uh, you’re going somewhere?”

“A wedding,” Junmyeon nods. “It’s like everyone wants to get married this month.”

“Alone? You aren’t allowed a plus one?”

Junmyeon shakes his head. He gestures to Sehun to come in, and grabs the plain tie that came with the suit. “Nah, I just don’t want to bring a plus one. It’s going to be a boring wedding. Come in, I need to finish getting ready.”

He goes back to his bedroom, and stands in front of the medium-sized portable mirror. Sehun trips a little while removing his sneakers but he follows inside soon.

“More reason to have someone with you,” Sehun says. “That’s a great remedy to boring weddings.”

“Or,” Junmyeon puts the tie around his neck and starts working on it. “I just show my face to people who invited me, say I have an emergency, and get out of there.”

Sehun laughs. “And what kind of ‘emergency’ will you make up?”

“I’m a nurse,” Junmyeon boasts. At this point, even he believes this lie. “They won’t ask what kind of emergency.”

“Damn, that’s smart,” A pause, then he asks, “You’re a nurse?”

Junmyeon turns around, eyebrows raised at his neighbour. “You don’t believe me?”

“I believe you, it makes a lot of sense.” Sehun chuckles nervously when Junmyeon faces the mirror once again. “It’s just… unexpected? You’re like, a perfect guy at this point. You’re handsome, your sense of humour is great, you’re a nurse; _And_ you look stunning in a suit.”

“Sehunnie,” Junmyeon grins wide, chews on his lower lip as he looks at Sehun through the mirror. His chest flutters a little. “Did you come here to hit on me?”

It’s entertaining to watch Sehun go red and fumble over his words. “No, uh, I got sidetracked from something.”

“Ah, okay,” Junmyeon turns around, grinning smugly. It feels good to flirt with him, especially when the reactions make him want to do it more and more. “How do I look?”

Sehun barely glances at him. “You look good.”

“Not stunning?” Junmyeon teases.

“I already told you that,” Sehun mutters, then looks at Junmyeon with a pout on his lips. “Are you always merciless to people who compliment you?”

“No, you’re just special,” he walks closer to his neighbour and pats his cheek. “It felt like flirting, though, it didn’t seem to be a compliment.”

“Maybe it was both,” Sehun replies, avoiding Junmyeon’s eyes. He giggles nervously. “But I don’t know if I like your response to it.”

“What did you get sidetracked from?” He asks. 

While Sehun looks everywhere but him, probably thinking of an excuse (or actually trying to remember the reason he’s here), Junmyeon wonders why it’s so comfortable to be around Sehun. He lets his guard down easily, doesn’t think much about what or why he’s saying something. Maybe that’s a bad thing but when it’s so easy to do it, shouldn’t there be the slightest possibility that this feeling isn’t dangerous to him or his life overall? He hopes that’s true.

“Are you trying to make up stories now?” Junmyeon drops his hand to Sehun’s forearm, squeezing it. “You should be prepared for these things, Sehun, how will you lie in an interrogation?”

“Why would I need to lie to the police?” Sehun sulks.

“You know those comedies where the thief is terrible at his job and gets caught constantly?”

Sehun nods.

“You’re acting like that,” Junmyeon laughs. “I’m kidding though. I like that stuff so I tease everyone like this.” _Not because I suspect everyone could be from a rival crime family like mine, or worse, an FBI informant. No, I’m a regular guy with normal interests._

“Everyone? I’m going to be honest — that hurt,” Sehun heaves an exaggerated sigh, then smiles, finally looking at Junmyeon. “I forgot why I came in the first place, but now asking you out on a date is on the table.”

“Real smooth,” Junmyeon laughs. “After this wedding, though.”

“Are you saying yes?” His eyes widen.

“I’m saying maybe,” he tugs at Sehun’s hand, dragging the younger into the living room yet again. This situation kind of scares him, what if he gets asked out right now? There’s so much on his plate, and no matter how charming Sehun is, Junmyeon isn’t sure about anything in his life right now. He lets the hand go in favour of grabbing his keys, glancing around to see if he’s forgetting something. “We need to go. I’m running late, sorry.”

Sehun follows him out of the apartment, gasps when Junmyeon is locking the door. “Oh! I came to give you the spare key. I don’t trust these lamps.”

He fishes out his key from his pocket; hands it to Junmyeon. “Don’t lose it, hyung.”

Junmyeon blinks at the key for a second, then looks up to see if his neighbour is joking or not. Do regular people trust this easily? Or has his trust gone down because of… being himself.

“I won’t,” Junmyeon mutters. “Thanks for trusting me with this.”

“Have fun at the wedding,” Sehun wiggles his fingers instead of waving; even taps Junmyeon’s chin like he’s a cat. “I’ll see you around.”

Junmyeon is a little confused as he climbs down the stairs. He finds Tao waiting for him near his car, and tosses the car keys to him. He boards into the passenger seat, and once Tao’s settled in the driver’s seat, Junmyeon says, “Zitao, I need you to do a background check on someone.”

“Who?”

“My neighbour,” he watches his apartment building get farther and farther away. “Oh Sehun. He lives in Kyungsoo’s place now.”

✧

Tao is ready with everything the next day. He comes in when Junmyeon is helping Kyungsoo with his exams. He looks unimpressed as he walks into the house. “He’s the most normal, boring guy I’ve ever looked into.”

“Really?” Junmyeon finds it hard to believe, but if Tao couldn’t gather papers on it; found just his birth information and education, it must be true. “Have you checked the informant list?”

“Yup,” he takes a spoonful of Kyungsoo’s yogurt and keeps it between his lips before he nods. He never cares for the food in his mouth and talks anyway. “Not a single thing in the police records.”

“Huh.” Sehun does go to an evening college, and he’s average at it too. He really seems to be a normal, boring guy. “I’m having a hard time digesting this.”

“Why?” Kyungsoo glances up from his textbook, eyes narrow. “Because he’s too good to be true?”

“He’s too normal,” he replies. “Not a single thing in police records? People at least have speeding tickets or something. Not even bribing?”

“Nothing.” Tao shakes his head. 

“That’s how normal people are, Junmyeon,” Kyungsoo goes back to studying again. “I don’t have any of that either. Tao, you better clean the spoon before putting it back.”

“I will.” Tao promises. He takes another big bite of the yogurt in his mouth before adding, “His dad gambles. You’ve met him a couple of times, I think. The flower shop fronts as a gambling place at night.”

The room is silent for a moment. Kyungsoo asks, “Why were you suspicious of that guy, again?”

“Because,” Junmyeon starts. He closes his mouth again, looks at his best friend. “His life seems so fucking perfect. I’m kind of jealous of him?”

It’s half the truth. Sehun’s life doesn’t seem perfect to him, but he’s definitely jealous. He’s a normal college kid, unaware of his dad’s gambling habits, working hard at the flower shop. His real reason for being suspicious is because Junmyeon is sure he’s starting to trust him — getting attached to the cute smile and his nervous giggle.

“You don’t even know him well,” Tao says. He starts washing the spoon in the sink. “Pretty sure he doesn’t have whatever you think he does.”

So it’s safe to give his neighbour the spare key afterall.

✧

They attend four funerals with Slug, and they make it a point that Slug notices them. The sooner his guard is let down, the easier it’ll be to catch him. The first two times, he ran away the moment he saw them. The third funeral, he stayed away from them. Now he notices them, and looks away immediately; he doesn’t run away. That’s good.

When the funeral is nearing the end, Tao moves near to Slug, who doesn’t even notice him. Junmyeon stays in the last row, where people are being extremely disrespectful by staying on their phones. He keeps his eyes on Slug though, for any sudden movement. Tao can’t get up suddenly in front of so many people, if their target makes a run for it, but Junmyeon can. 

“How are you not nervous?” Junmyeon mutters to himself, and clasps his hands together. Oh, his hands are ice cold. Then why isn’t he feeling it? He’s about to do something criminal, something cruel — and yet, it feels justified to him. It feels like avenging.

The family of the dead thanks everyone for being with them and showing condolences. Junmyeon stands up when everyone does, but brisk-walks towards the backside of the little church building. There is a little garden behind the church, then a large wall which leads to the garbage dumping area. It’s a poorly maintained place, and Junmyeon has stalked this church and this place enough to know it’s checked only once, at night. That’s enough time to clean up the blood.

Two minutes later, Tao is easily dragging a terrified Slug with a knife against his neck and his mouth stuffed with cloth. It has been a month and a half since the incident, they’re finally doing this.

“I’m going to let you go with this,” Junmyeon says calmly. He takes out a pocket knife to show him. The blade is razor sharp, but it’ll still require some force to stab it into this bastard. “I’m being merciful here, I could’ve used the same knife you used on Yixing.”

Slug looks so horrified, he might as well faint in front of them.

“If you tell anyone — any fucking soul, Slug, I’m going to stab you in your neck.” Junmyeon carefully approaches him. Slug is struggling in Tao’s grip a lot, it’s best to get this done before Tao loses his grip. He’s buzzing with energy, too, and he doesn’t know if he’s going to drop the knife and run away or stab Tao along with their target. “One stab in your neck and we’ll wait for two minutes, let you die, and dispose of your body in a place they can’t find you.”

He stabs the knife into his abdomen, the same place he stabbed Yixing. Adrenaline rushes through his body, his whole body shakes with it — because of what, Junmyeon doesn’t want to know. Slug’s scream is still a little loud through the gag, so Junmyeon covers his mouth too.

“Quiet,” he says, frowning. “Why are you screaming, huh? It’s just a pocket knife, Slug, you stabbed Yixing with a bigger knife. Do you want me to show you how that feels?”

Slug’s scream turns into quiet sobbing. He shakes his head. “That’s what I thought,” he removes his hand. “I’m going to take it out now, it’s going to hurt like a bitch — I’m warning you, if you make a single noise, I’m going to slit your throat.”

The pocket knife comes out easily, and he takes the cloth from Slug’s mouth to hold it against the bleeding wound.

“If anyone gets to know, you won’t be alive the next day.” Junmyeon says. Tao lets the man go, and they watch him crumble onto the ground, sobbing as quietly as he can. Some part of Junmyeon feels sorry for him, he wants to take him to the hospital, but he didn’t do any of that for Yixing. He gets exactly what he sowed when he left Yixing on the kitchen floor. The pain is far less than what he deserves, he should be able to handle this.

Junmyeon takes a look at his bloody knife, and wipes it clean on the inside of his suit without a second thought. His gait feels different, Junmyeon can’t understand what has changed, but he feels good. He gives the knife of Tao. “Ask Baek to clean that mess up, and check on Slug.”

“Do we need to keep an eye on him?” Tao asks as they approach the parking space. “What if he doesn’t take—”

“Doesn’t take me seriously?” Junmyeon raises his eyebrow at the man. He finds himself deeply offended by the idea. “What makes you think he wouldn’t, Zitao?”

Tao shuts up and gets into the car.

“Exactly,” he says. He’s knocked off his feet for a second when realizes what exactly he’s feeling — a sense of belonging. A place in the world.

✧

The blood on the inner lining of his suit is completely dry and it looks like it’s a part of the suit, but Junmyeon compulsively checks it. The blood has dried, and unless he puts it under direct sunlight, there’s no speck of blood visible to the naked eye. Adrenaline is still running through him, maybe not as much as when he pushed the knife through, but it’s definitely still there.

He ascends the stairs faster than usual, he knows he’s moving too fast to be normal but he can’t stop it. His mind wanders here and there, then comes back to reality — his steps are light, he’s never been so sure about his place or decisions in his entire life. He’s in front of Sehun’s door instead of his, and he has no control over his fist which rises to knock on the door.

A moment of fear seizes him, but when Sehun opens the door, looking downright adorable in his baby blue t-shirt and pajama pants, Junmyeon thinks _fuck it._ He knows he wants to, there’s no point to chickening out.

“Hey,” he smiles, feeling utterly loopy as he stares at the handsome face. “About the date you put on the table.”

Sehun grins a little, but he still looks nervous. “What about it?”

“I think I want to,” Junmyeon peers behind him, trying to see if he has someone over for studying or his parents for some reason. “You don’t have a boyfriend or something, do you? Like even a fuck buddy?”

“Are you drunk?”

“Am I acting drunk?” he laughs. It’s similar to being drunk, but more importantly he feels _free._ The last puzzle piece of his life has been set down and punched in. “I’m not. I just had a great day, and you’ve never seen me happy.”

His neighbour stares at him for a second, then chuckles. “Good point, I suppose. I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“Great! When are you free?” Junmyeon takes his phone to pretend, he opens the empty calendar, and looks at how many days are left in the month. Still fifteen more to go.

“What if I’m free right now?” Sehun takes a step back, a challenging look on his face when he locks eyes with Junmyeon. “You look stunning in this suit too.”

“Thank you,” Junmyeon takes a step inside, starts removing his shoes and socks. “You’re always smooth with these stuff, Sehunnie.”

“You give them to me on a platter,” Sehun shrugs. He waits till Junmyeon has completely removed his footwear and carefully guides him against the wall next to the door. “Is this okay?”

It’s a little unexpected to be pressed against a wall in such a gentleman-like way, but Junmyeon is preoccupied by Sehun’s lovely face and how much he wants to cup his jaw and kiss him till the world ends.

“You’re adorable, have I told you that?” He holds Sehun’s nape and brings him closer, watching closely as all the blood flushes into his face. He notices how pretty Sehun looks blushing, his cheeks and ears have become red, and his hands are on the wall, on either side of Junmyeon’s body. “I find you so fucking adorable.”

Sehun’s replies are muffled by Junmyeon’s lips. He closes his eyes immediately, he feels nothing for a moment (it’s definitely the adrenaline) until he presses harder, fingertips playing with the stubble on the back of Sehun’s head. His heart pounds against his chest, his head too present in the moment of his lips against Sehun’s like the memory of it will save his life.

He’s desperate for more, but he tries to calm himself down when Sehun’s arms wrap around his waist. It feels criminal to be so desperate when it’s Sehun he’s kissing — like the younger man deserves something softer and more gentle.

And the kiss is a hundred times better when Junmyeon tries to be gentler. Sehun makes a pretty noise in the back of his throat, presses their bodies together, and brings his hands to cup Junmyeon’s cheeks.

Begrudgingly, he stops kissing Sehun. It’s hard to be mad about having to stop kissing when the aftermath is so beautiful. Junmyeon has never seen anyone so red, kiss-swollen lips so attractive. He wraps his arms around Sehun’s waist and says, “I can’t wait to take you out on a date.”

✧

Days have been lighter — easier to get through, and better to survive. His best friends mention it, but don’t ask what caused this change. Junmyeon doesn’t care for the reason his world feels changed. He found what was missing inside of him, and he clings on to it because his life depends on it. The lack of place in the world was horrible, he never wants to feel that again — he wouldn’t wish it on his worst enemy.

He gets his mother to help him get ready for the date. He sends her three outfit pictures, and she calls him, horrified that her son would choose such (in her opinion) atrocious outfits.

“They’re in style,” Junmyeon sulks. “You’re thinking of your generation style, mom.”

“I’m not,” she scolds. “You’re meeting your colleagues, right? Who wears jeans and t-shirt to a work thing?”

“They’re my friends too,” Junmyeon lowers his voice. He feels a little bad for lying to her but he’s never talked about his dating life with her, it’s awkward to tell her he’s going on a date so suddenly. “It’s not a work thing.”

“Ah,” Junmyeon can imagine her nodding now, like she understands the outfit options. “You need to keep me in the loop, Junmyeon, when will I meet these friends of ours?”

“So which one of the outfits?” He ignores the question entirely. She doesn’t press on it, and says the second one.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he promises. “Thanks for helping out, mom.”

“Of course, run these things by me so I won’t have to hear my friends tell me about your embarrassing dressingstyle.” She laughs, teasing.

Junmyeon fakes a gasp. “My style isn’t embarrassing.”

“It isn’t, it isn’t,” she sighs. “I was teasing you but I felt bad immediately.”

“That’s what you get for offending the prince,” he can’t help but laugh. She follows soon, and Junmyeon thinks of the little cooking disaster Yifan caused — he should tell her, she’ll enjoy it. He checks the time, and shit he’ll be late if he stands around and talks to her more, he still needs to get dressed. “I’m running late, I’ll talk to you later.”

She hums. “I love you, Junmyeonnie. See you.”

“I love you too.” He cuts the call, tosses his phone on the bed and goes to the bathroom.

It takes him fifteen minutes to be fully ready. He does a routine check for everything before he opens the door, and shrieks when he runs into Sehun, tipping back and falling on his butt.

“Sorry!” Sehun yelps, helping Junmyeon back on his feet. “I was doing something stupid and I didn’t hear you open the door.”

“You were doing something stupid?” Junmyeon laughs, dusting his pants off. He closes the door and starts walking. “We kind of match, huh?”

He’s wearing an orange sweatshirt with an oversized light grey t-shirt inside, the sweatshirt covers the black jeans but only till his upper thighs. They seem to match because of Sehun’s black turtleneck, he’s wearing a denim jacket and denim pants. Their shoes are similar too.

“We do,” Sehun nods. They descend the stairs, Junmyeon places his hands on the younger’s shoulders. “Where are we going first?”

“My takoyaki place,” Junmyeon reminds him. “Then your ice cream shop.”

“It’s not _mine,”_ Sehun grins. “Can’t we go there instead? I really want to eat ice cream first.”

They walk side by side on the footpath. The takoyaki place is at a walking distance, they’ll get to the ice cream shop by a bus. Junmyeon couldn’t get his car from Kyungsoo today, unfortunately, and Sehun doesn’t have one. He’s confident in all the bus routes though.

“It won’t be fun to eat something hot and spicy after ice cream, though.” Junmyeon pouts. 

“We can spend some time there!” Sehun slots his hand against Junmyeon’s and laces their fingers together. “There is a shopping mall near it, and there are many cute photo booths, I think we can waste some time there.”

“Okay, the station closes at eight, though, we need to return before it closes.” he says, like he’ll ever have the heart to refuse Sehun. He probably wouldn’t mind if they skipped the takoyaki station. He’ll take him to the station next time; he only brings his special people to that place, and so far, it has been his best friends, his father before he died, and his mother two weeks ago.

They detour towards the bus stop. Sehun gushes about the area they’re going to until the bus comes, and then Junmyeon is talking about his favourite places to visit — then his favourite song.

“It’s a sad song,” Junmyeon watches as Sehun takes out his earphones and phone. “I wouldn’t call it a break up song, but it’s pretty sad.”

“What is it called?” Sehun plugs his earphones and gives him one. “There’s some time, let’s listen to music.”

“It’ll probably ruin the mood,” he’s a little insecure now — will the song reflect badly on him? What if it rains on their little parade? “We can listen to your favourite ones.”

“We’ll go back and forth,” Sehun is ready to type in the search bar. “I have a few favourite sad songs too, it’ll be fun.”

Junmyeon stares at him for a second and gestures to the phone. He types the song, gets the right cover and the piano starts instantly.

His first thought is Yixing and their break up, how he put this song on repeat on his way to his mother’s house. He looks at Sehun — his eyebrows are furrowed in concentration, his lips pursed, and he increases the volume when the lyrics start. Cute.

“The same artist has this super happy song,” Junmyeon tells him. “It’s kind of a glaring difference, it always makes me laugh.”

“We’ll listen to that after mine,” Sehun squeezes his hand. “His voice is beautiful.”

They stay silent for the remainder of the song. Once the song fades, Sehun takes out his earphone and frowns a little. “I get why you like it, but it’s so sad.”

“It’s comforting to me,” Junmyeon shrugs. “I don’t listen to it constantly, but when I’m sad or angry about something out of my control, or just feeling low, it feels like a pat on the back, you know?”

Sehun beams. “I know! I have a song that makes me feel that way, let me play it for you.”

The song is in English but Junmyeon can tell it’s kind of sad. He looks at the title and the artist and looks up the lyrics. It’s about this person feeling like a ghost with their friend (or lover, the website says it hasn’t been specified by the artist), and how they miss simply _being._

“It’s… It makes me feel like I’m longing for something,” Junmyeon says honestly. “Like I want something I know I’ll never get, that’s what the lyrics make me feel.”

Sehun shrugs. “I haven’t checked the lyrics but it makes me feel like I’m being hugged by a warm person.”

“It felt like that in the beginning,” Junmyeon nods. “Do you like English songs a lot?”

“No, my favourite songs change as I get to know new ones,” he unplugs the earphones and pockets them. “We need to get down on the next stop.”

✧

The takoyaki station is almost closed when they reach there. The grandma who makes the food greets him warmly, and smiles like she knows Sehun like a grandson. He likes this place because of her — the food is delicious, his mouth waters every time he thinks of it but it’s nothing compared to this woman’s hospitality. He tips them generously everytime, even before he knew they were struggling financially and that’s why they had to set this station up.

“Two for us, please,” he pays her son, adding the tip. “I hope your business has been going well, sir.”

“It has, it has,” the son gestures to him to stand with Sehun. “I hope you eat well!”

Junmyeon goes back to Sehun and rests his head on the younger’s shoulder. His pocket has two necklaces and a strip of pictures they took in the photobooth — their date has been amazing, even if he’s exhausted now. He went out on these kinds of dates when he was in college, it was nice to do this again; he had forgotten how fun photo booths are, especially when they’re allowed to bring food there. Junmyeon’s strip of pictures was taken after they’d finished the ice creams, and Sehun’s includes packets of snacks in their hands and popsicles in their mouths.

“I’m so tired,” Sehun mumbles. “Why did we think walking around for almost three hours was a good idea, hyung? I’m going to die at the shop tomorrow.”

“My legs hurt, but I liked walking around with you,” Junmyeon absently pats Sehun’s arm. “Maybe we’ll set a reminder to sit for a while next time.”

“Let’s take your car next time.”

✧

Junmyeon wakes up a few minutes before his alarm goes off. His apartment feels weird, like something is out of place, and he quickly realizes why. Sehun is sleeping next to him, snuggled under the blanket and sleeping peacefully. His mouth is open but there’s no visible drool on the pillow. His phone lights up, his 8:10AM alarm ready to ring loudly. He shuts it off and gently shakes Sehun.

“Sehunnie, when do you have to go?”

All he gets is a groan in reply. They haven’t had the chance to go on the second date yet, but they’ve hung out a lot. Sehun brings his books over and they spend time talking (and sometimes he helps Sehun study like he does with Kyungsoo). So it has been a whole week of Sehun staying over until he’s starting to feel sleepy. They were up till at least one in the morning last night, they must’ve nodded off sometime after that.

He decides it’s best to let Sehun sleep more and go about his morning, he has no idea how much sleep college kids get on a regular day. (Junmyeon was a vampire when he went to college, he wouldn’t sleep a wink during the weekdays and knock himself out during the weekends. He hopes Sehun isn’t like that.)

Sehun wakes up when he’s searching through his fridge for food. Everything is packed in containers, they’re all side dishes, there’s barely anything he can cook up. He walks into the kitchen looking confused about where he is.

“Good morning,” Junmyeon beams at him, hugging him briefly. “I’m making breakfast, do you want something specific?”

“Morning,” Sehun clings on Junmyeon’s shoulders, moving behind him through the kitchen. “What’s the time? I haven’t slept this good in a while.”

“It’s almost eight-thirty.”

Junmyeon expects Sehun to dart into the bedroom, gather his textbooks and run. But Sehun just hums in response, a slight pout forming on his lips. “I need to hurry, I guess.”

“You don’t seem in a hurry,” Junmyeon can’t help but laugh. He pats Sehun’s butt and nudges him out of the kitchen. “Go wash your face or something, I’ll figure out what to make.”

“Don’t count me, my dad drops off breakfast and lunch for me at the shop.” Sehun leans down and presses a kiss on Junmyeon’s neck. “Figure out your breakfast, sexy chef.”

He leaves without saying another word. Junmyeon is stuck trying to understand exactly what he’s feeling, his mouth slightly agape as he stares into space. He’s sure it isn’t meant to be a invitation or something, they probably doesn’t have time for sex, but he’s embarrassingly turned on by the tone Sehun used. Perhaps it was unintentional on Sehun’s part, but he has a loop of vivid, sexy images which he seems to have no control over.

When he goes to the bathroom, he finds Sehun standing over the sink, drying his face with a towel. Junmyeon wraps his arms around the younger’s midsection without raising any suspicion, and he gently kisses Sehun’s shoulders over the t-shirt.

“So I have an idea,” he says when they make eye contact through the mirror. He slides his fingers past the pajama’s waistband, watching carefully to make sure he isn’t making the younger uncomfortable. “Do you want to try?”

It takes a moment for it to click, and Sehun’s ears become red. “Okay.”

“Lube is behind the mirror,” Junmyeon’s own face is heating up a little. He can’t stop thinking about getting on his knees and blowing Sehun right now, but— but do they have time for that? “Unless you have time for a blowjob.”

Sehun reaches for the lube anyway, and he turns around to hand it. He’s blushing so much, it’s cute. “I don’t.”

“Handjob it is, then.” Junmyeon leans up, kissing his lips with his eyes closed. He haphazardly squeezes lube onto his right hand (some definitely rolls off his palm and drops on the floor), and tosses the bottle into the sink behind. “It’s a little cold.”

He reaches his hand past the waistband, and hums, pleased, when he finds Sehun half-hard already. Sehun’s breath stutters, he stops kissing entirely for a moment, and he moans into Junmyeon’s mouth.

“Fuck,” Junmyeon moves to kiss his jaw, leaving a trail of wet kisses to his neck. “You sound so good, baby.”

He fists Sehun’s cock as fast as he can, sometimes digging his finger near the slit purposefully to feel the younger’s body shake against his. When he looks down, the sight of his hand wrapped around Sehun’s cock is sinful, the noise of his wet palm sliding up and down is all they can hear in the bathroom. Sehun is quiet for the most part, his moans barely audible, but his mouth is right next to Junmyeon’s ear. It’s great self-control on Junmyeon’s part that he doesn’t jerk himself off along. He mouths at Sehun’s neck, near his collarbone. He licks and kisses and sucks on the skin, trying to leave a dark hickey.

“I-I need to leave soon,” Sehun mutters. He sounds a little wrecked, and every single word he breathes out goes straight to Junmyeon’s dick. “Hyung, hurry please.”

“You’ll just have to come soon,” Junmyeon shrugs. It’s probably mean of him to chuckle when Sehun whines in response. “I’m doing my best here, come for me.”

It’s so obvious that Sehun is so close, his knees are buckled, he’s bracing himself on the sink behind. His moans sound more broken, he’s so sensitive — Junmyeon can’t wait to take his cock in his mouth, make him writhe and beg. He sounds so wonderful when he pleads. Junmyeon considers letting Sehun’s dick go and let him go to the shop like that, leaving him frustrated for fun, but his heart and his own dick is against the idea.

Sehun buries his face into Junmyeon’s shoulder when his orgasm hits. “Holy fuck.”

“There we go,” Junmyeon removes his hand and brings it around Sehun’s waist, he puts the lube bottle next to the hand wash and cleans it. “That was fun.”

“It was fun?” Sehun huffs, lifting his head to pout at Junmyeon. But he’s smiling soon. “Try getting jerked off on a slippery floor, hyung.”

“I wouldn’t mind the experience,” Junmyeon smirks, pressing another kiss on the blooming hickey. “Did you enjoy it, though?”

“Yeah,” Sehun grins a little, but he grimaces instantly. “I’m going straight to shower, can I borrow your clothes? I don’t want to walk feeling so sticky.”

He nods. “The knob with the red sticker is for hot water. Do you want me to keep the clothes on the bed?”

“I don’t mind either way,” Sehun shrugs. “Do you want to join me?”

Junmyeon beams, kisses him once again. “It’s okay, I can take care of myself. You need to hurry.”

✧

Sehun is easy to dote on, Junmyeon finds it way too easy to like him more and more every date — especially when his eyes light up. He likes taking pictures and decorating them with tiny stickers, he likes looking at CD collections and not buying anything. He likes any kind of ice cream a lot.

They’ve been on six dates in two weeks, and today is the seventh. They’re walking hand-in-hand to avoid getting lost in the rush hour of this commercial street, there are a lot of clothes and earrings, some stalls have electronics too, but Junmyeon can tell the quality isn’t the best. Sehun’s eyes linger on the electronics — specifically the pastel coloured polaroid cameras. 

Not all stalls have them, but they’re expensive even for a supposedly cheap market. He doesn’t mind when Sehun pauses at some stalls, and it’s so obvious how much he likes the pastel cameras; they look at a variety of things, but nothing makes his eyes gleam with anticipation when they come across one. 

The street doesn’t have anything he particularly likes or piques his curiosity, he’s content following Sehun around. They come out of the whole market in one and half hours, and Junmyeon spots a little BBQ place.

“Let’s go there,” he tugs Sehun towards it. “Time for a little break.”

They pick the table closest to the door, and order in two minutes. Junmyeon always buys the same thing if he has the option — most places don’t make similar, but he’s had some luck in tasting pretty delicious meats.

“There were so many things on the street,” Sehun swings their entwined hands left to right, looking around the place. “I don’t know why I was expecting a better quality at such a discounted price.”

Their hands feel glued together at this point. They constantly hold hands, Junmyeon would’ve cringed if he didn’t like doing it so much. Sehun’s hands are always warm and nice to hold, but since their time is mostly spent roaming about, it’s nice to do that.

Junmyeon thinks he knows a lot about Sehun now. They’ve been dating for a little over a month, their dates have been sporadic; between Sehun’s part-time job and his college, poor thing barely gets enough sleep to function properly for a day. His schedule is almost unchanging every week, and the only reason they got time for dates in the past two weeks is because he doesn’t have assignments or regular classes — his seniors’ practical exams are keeping the teachers busy.

“The exams are over,” Sehun mutters, sullen. “I’ll be swamped with work again, and informal exams too, I think.”

“We can have indoor dates,” Junmyeon squeezes his hands, resisting the urge to cup his cheeks and kiss him. “We’ll figure something out, Sehunnie, don’t worry.”

Sehun opens his mouth to say something but Junmyeon's phone goes off. It’s a call from Tao, he squeezes Sehun’s hand once more before he lets go, and picks the call. 

“Jongdae and Jongin are in the hospital,” Tao is panting between his words; he seems to be running. “Apparently four people got stabbed in the past, like, week.”

“Where are they?” Junmyeon has to get his things immediately, he mouths an apology to Sehun and pecks his forehead. “It’s an emergency, I’m sorry baby.”

Sehun and Tao speak simultaneously, he understands neither of them. He nods at Sehun and hurries out, calling the nearest taxi. There’s a rock in his stomach which moves along with him as he jogs to the taxi. The parking still would’ve been a bitch to find in such a busy street, but Junmyeon hates that he doesn’t have his car right now.

“Tell me the hospital again?” he asks as he gets in the taxi.

“The one where Kyungsoo works, I can’t remember the whole name. Kyungsoo is looking at them right now.”

“I’ll be there soon.” He tells the driver the address, and asks him to get there as quickly as he can.

It takes thirty minutes to reach the hospital. Junmyeon doesn’t have the time to curse the driver for his slow driving, he rushes in, asks for Jongin and Jongdae, and they give him the room number. 

Both are on separate beds, wearing hospital gowns, their right thigh bandaged up. Tao and Kyungsoo are by their side, while Minseok and Baekhyun are talking near the door.

“Four people including them?” He asks Tao when he’s near.

“Six, including them.”

He turns to Kyungsoo, who is checking Jongdae’s bandage. “Is it bad?”

“It’s not too bad, they came in with pocket knives still in their bodies, that made it a little better.” Kyungsoo stands up and pats both of their legs. “You’ve gotten the painkillers, right? It’ll heal easily, you can leave this afternoon.”

Once the nurse hurries out to do his actual job, Minseok and Baekhyun come to their beds too. Junmyeon takes a seat next to Jongin and scowls. “Why did nobody tell me four people got stabbed?”

He looks at Jongin first, because he’s easy to crack, but he gets no information. “I didn’t know that happened.”

When he looks at Jongdae, though, the man avoids his eyes and stares at Tao with pleading eyes.

“Jongdae.”

The man winces, only glancing at Junmyeon before he opens his mouth. “They constantly get in trouble with the wrong people, it wasn’t a surprise that they got stabbed.”

“Who are they?”

Jongdae lists the names, and while Junmyeon can remember their faces, nothing else comes to him.

“What kind of trouble did you both get into?”

“Nothing!” Jongin defends. “My cousin is due today so I came to help with the hospital stuff, so her husband can stay with her. He got stabbed by a nurse first, and then another nurse stabbed _me_ while I was trying to help. Kyungsoo saw us pretty quickly, but the nurses ran away.” he ends it with a shrug.

The story feels too perfect. “What are you not telling me?”

“There’s nothing else.” Jongdae promises.

“Why were you here?”

“Suho, it’s just a stab, do we really have to make a big deal of this?” Jongin says. “This happens a lot, we’re in beds only because we were in the building and the staff hasn’t been identified yet.”

His words remind him of Yixing. How calm he was when the wound was deeper and made by a bigger knife. Junmyeon deflates a little. “But I care about all of you.” he mumbles.

He’s met with silence. Junmyeon looks at all of them; they’re shocked, Minseok is grimacing, and Jongdae doesn’t seem to believe the words. Perhaps a mafia boss shouldn’t care so much for underlings like them, but a mafia boss doesn’t actively get underlings out of trouble with the police either — if his dad could go to the station every single time and earn the title of “Suho”, why can’t he show a little care for these people? It’s not like he’s faking it. He knows a lot about these people now, things which only friends would know.

“Why would I come running till here?” he snaps, glaring at Jongdae who looks away. “Fine. Is that all that happened? Why were you here, Jongdae?”

“I had to get checked.” Jongdae mutters.

Oh, right. His reports came positive for an infection — he probably hasn’t told anyone. Junmyeon nods. He turns to Tao. “Why do I feel like Slug did this?”

Tao shrugs. “He’s got a loose mouth, it’s highly possible.”

Junmyeon groans. Not again.

✧

Despite the weird looks they gave him earlier, they’re grateful he buys them food and helps with whatever was left with Jongin’s cousin’s paperworks. Junmyeon goes back to his apartment feeling a little restless. The only time he ever finds himself actually relaxing is when Sehun comes over after his classes, they sit on the bed and do their respective works but it’s nice to have him around. Junmyeon thinks of the polaroid cameras every time Sehun is around, but keeps forgetting to check things for it. So he finishes his work, then he adds a few options to his cart so he can ask someone later.

He returns to the hospital the next morning because of paranoia. Something still feels off about the hospital building, but he can’t tell if it’s his instincts or if it’s because he never spent more than one day in a hospital. He never had enough time or reason to stay longer than a day. Even when Yixing broke his ankle, he was allowed to go back home because he promised to stay in bed.

Fortunately, Kyungsoo gives him company before his rounds begin. Since he’s a pediatrics nurse, he lets Junmyeon watch as he checks the children who are admitted during his rounds. Pediatrics is on the second floor of the building, so the poor kids and staff don’t have a great view outside the window, the only form of a good view comes from their phones and themselves. It’s pleasant to watch Kyungsoo crouch near the kids, talking with big eyes and nodding his head so the children inevitably mimic him. He’s gentle with them even when they unexpectedly throw tantrums — all the nurses in pediatrics seem to have unending patience for the children.

“Are you Nurse Do’s friend?” One of the older nurses asks him.

He nods. She hums and leaves. Weird. Junmyeon tries to think what her name was on the name tag, but nothing comes up. He asks Kyungsoo about it, but he just shrugs in response. “Could be anyone, there is a little group of the older nurses here, they all visit each other’s sections.”

“So she isn’t from your department?”

“I can’t tell you unless you give me a name, hyung.”

Even after spending some time in the hospital, the feeling of something being off doesn’t leave him. He asks Kyungso if he can stay around for a little longer, but his best friend glares at him, telling him he’ll be nothing but a disturbance if he doesn’t plan on staying in a corner. Junmyeon jokingly accuses Kyungsoo of being mean, but he runs into a doctor rushing towards the ER on his way out. Thank God his best friend didn’t witness that.

He’s on his way to the underground parking when his phone rings. His fingertips run cold again when the caller ID shows Kyungsoo’s name, but he tries to calm himself down. He was with the nurse a few minutes ago, he’s okay, he’s probably calling to ask for lunch or something.

He picks up the call. “Hey, I’m near the underground parking.”

“Hyung, apparently there are two people asking for me,” Kyungsoo is whispering. “Can you come back up here? I’m near the nurses resting room behind the counter. They aren’t here yet, but another nurse told me. I’m kind of scared.”

Junmyeon turns around immediately. “I’ll be there, give me a minute.”

As much as he tries to convince himself it’s just a misunderstanding, or that those two people could be Kyungsoo’s relatives surprising him with a visit, it doesn’t work. All he can think of is _I knew it, I knew it, I knew this would happen, I knew it!_ as he runs back to the Pediatrics floor, his hands rigid cold.

The counter is pretty much in front of the elevator. Junmyeon sprints near it and finds two guys wearing casual clothes in the nurses’ resting room.

“Hey,” he calls, running inside. They’ve backed Kyungsoo up against the lockers, but there are no weapons in their hands. “Back off.”

“Ah, there he is,” one of them sneers. “Suho, Coast Kim asked you to mind your business next time.”

“Get away from him, right fucking now.” Junmyeon wishes for his gun right now, so he could look more threatening. The two guys have good four inches on him in height, and they’re hefty as well. If it weren’t for his title and status, Junmyeon would be crushed like a bug.

Both of them laugh as they back off, stepping closer to the entrance of the room. The taller one speaks up. “We weren’t going to hurt this guy. Just reminding him that he can put you in place as well.”

No matter how confident they seemed, they avoid coming too close to him. Once they disappear behind the elevator doors, Kyungsoo deflates to the ground like a balloon, and Junmyeon hurries to hold him.

“I’m sorry,” he mutters. “I honestly came here because I was worried this would happen—”

“Why the fuck are those guys so big?” Kyungsoo whines. He burrows into Junmyeon’s warmth, but pretends he isn’t affected by the situation. “Do you know some children think I’m scary at first? I even wear glasses! I grew out my hair because the head nurse told me it makes me look scary to the children. They clearly haven’t seen real people.” he huffs.

“But they seemed to like you during the rounds.” Junmyeon chuckles.

“Those are the older kids who are used to me, I always have to play the bad guy when a child doesn’t want something and coddling doesn’t work.”

✧

Junmyeon’s eyes are starting to redden from lack of sleep. He’s almost constantly checking up on Kyungsoo, reassuring himself that the incident hasn’t scarred him for life and he isn’t troubled by nightmares. The most sleep he gets are the little naps he takes with Sehun, and even in the middle of those he finds himself reaching for the phone and texting Kyungsoo to check if he’s okay. After three days of losing sleep, Junmyeon decides he’s going to make a plan as to how this situation will end. He comes to Yixing’s door unannounced, and he’s glad to see that Yifan isn’t around him to see him in this state.

As he paces back and forth, walking between the bedroom and living room, Yixing looks a bit worried about him, and honestly? Junmyeon would be too if he were in Yixing’s place.

“Junmyeon,” he calls, and gestures for him to sit on the bed in front of him. “I want to tell you something.”

He easily takes a seat next to Junmyeon on the bed, and pats his hand. “I think you need to stop worrying over me and Kyungsoo. Just focus on doing your other work.”

“What?” Did he hear that right?

“At this rate, it’s more likely that you’ll drop dead from how much you worry, instead of someone coming for your life.”

Junmyeon pulls his hand away, tucks it under his armpit for comfort. “You’re kidding me.”

“I’m serious,” Yixing gives him a sympathetic smile. “You need to stop treating us like we’re family — and your best friends—”

“Did Yifan get hurt because of the situation?” Junmyeon says, trying to make sense out of the words he’s hearing. He tries to breathe slowly, but each breath leaves a bundle of thorns pricking the inside of his lungs. “Where is this coming from? Why are you saying this?”

“Yifan’s fine, but have you seen yourself? You barely kept it together when I got stabbed, and now you aren’t sleeping because of the threat Kyungsoo received.”

“Because you’re my best friends!”

“And you need to stop treating us like that, it’s making you an easy target.”

Perhaps it’s because of how calm he sounds, it makes Junmyeon angier, and all logic goes out of the window. “So you want me to drop seven years of friendship with Soo and five years with you because some people want to kill me? Guess what, genius, they’ll want me dead either way.”

“I know that—”

“It sounds like you’re trying to walk away from our friendship,” Junmyeon is sure he’s glaring daggers at Yixing at this point, and he couldn’t care less about it. “Just say it to my face, if that’s what you want.”

“You’re the fucking head of this family, Junmyeon, our friendship puts you in fucking danger.”

“I’m in danger _anyway,”_ he argues. “What are you trying to cover up here? Why are you bringing our friendship up out of nowhere? This has been true ever since we’ve known each other.”

Yixing grits his teeth. “I don’t have an ulterior motive, I just want you to be safe. And our friendship causes a lot more harm than you think.”

“I can think for myself.” Junmyeon snaps. He gets up from the bed and begins pacing back and forth like he was doing before.

“You treat us like family, how is this so difficult for you to understand?”

“It’s not!” Junmyeon wants to punch something — it’d be nice if it were Yixing’s face but a toy will do the work as well. “I think of you as family, you’re treating it like a problem, and that’s why it’s difficult to understand!”

“Because!” Yixing raises his voice, almost yelling now. “It makes you an easy target!”

Junmyeon scoffs, rolling his eyes. “I am already a target, who cares if it’s easy or difficult? Why do you care about it now?”

“Kim _fucking_ Junmyeon!” Yixing shouts. “Don’t play dumb with me.”

“I’m not,” Junmyeon shouts back, his ears pounding, his fists shaking with rage. “I won’t fucking stop treating you like my best friends because I’m not an asshole! Unlike you, as it seems!”

Yixing’s face morphs instantly. He looks upset for a moment, then he points at the door. “Get out of my house.”

“Gladly,” Junmyeon huffs, and dashes towards the main door, being followed by Yixing. “At least you said this without twisting it into a web of lies.”

“Fuck you,” Yixing mutters behind him. “I’m not a coward like you, I _am_ telling it to your face, you’re dumb enough to ignore it.”

Before Junmyeon can reply, the door slams into his face. 

✧

“It was like he was trying to cut off our friendship,” he complains to Kyungsoo, accepting a mug of hot chocolate. It’s a little hot to be drinking this, but it brings him comfort. “Why bother with so much bullshit? He should’ve told me instead of saying all of that.”

Kyungsoo has been silent throughout his complaining. He finally takes a seat next to Junmyeon, in a similar position, and he’s holding a cup of hot chocolate too. “Junmyeon-hyung, can I be honest?”

“I’ve been complaining about Yixing’s lack of honesty,” he laughs. “Please be honest.”

“I think he meant you need to stop showing others you care.”

Junmyeon blinks, then pouts. That makes sense. “But he said he wants me to drop our friendship…”

“I think he wanted you to choose how you do that,” Kyungsoo shrugs. “It was his way of saying he’ll understand if you _do_ stop being friends.”

“Oh,” it makes so much sense, but Junmyeon doesn’t know what to do now. “Why couldn’t he say that then?”

“I think it’s hard for him to say it, like it was hard for you to imagine letting us go.”

“Is it my fault that I couldn’t catch onto it?” Junmyeon puts the mug aside and buries his head into his knees. He feels horrible for everything he said now, but it’ll take him a couple of days to muster up the courage to apologise.

“I think he could’ve explained it more,” Kyungsoo shrugs. “It’s better if you apologise as soon as you can, hyung. Delaying it will make _you_ more miserable.”

“He’ll be fine and dandy, after telling his boyfriend everything — without having to lie about anything.”

“God, no,” Kyungsoo laughs. “He’s going to be equally miserable. One of you needs to take the first step to ending your and the other’s misery.”

His words hang heavy between them. Junmyeon thinks of them over and over again, taken aback by how he can imagine Yixing in the same situation easily. They always end up sitting next to each other, having conversations in mumbles until they are giggling like idiots by the end of it. Maybe Yixing will come here now, he probably doesn’t want to see Junmyeon’s face — should he apologise then? If he does come here. Junmyeon wonders if Yixing talks about these with Yifan. They’re pretty close, Yifan knows everything about Yixing — he didn’t hide it like Junmyeon is hiding it from Sehun.

“It’s pretty easy to do that,” Kyungsoo says abruptly. “Being uninterested in front of others.”

Junmyeon makes a refusing noise. “No. You’re lying.”

“I make out with Taozi sometimes, when neither of us have anything to do.”

Junmyeon shrieks and spills some hot chocolate onto his pants. “What?” he yells, surprised. “You’re dating him?”

“No,” Kyungsoo laughs. “He’s Aro like me. We just hangout a lot, and sometimes he’s in the mood to make out so I indulge him.”

“So it’s friends with benefits situation?”

“We never fuck.” Kyungsoo shrugs. “We’re just friends, I like him a lot.”

He really doesn’t get it, unfortunately. He’s given up on trying to understand Kyungsoo’s ways of relationships. “As long as you don’t hurt him, and he doesn’t hurt you. Do you like being with him?”

“Yeah, he’s nice. I feel a connection to him, like you do with Sehun. It’s just not romantic between us.”

“It’s so confusing to me,” Junmyeon looks at the drying patch of hot chocolate on his pants. “I support you, but I wish I understood you better in this matter. You probably don’t want me making everything you say a romantic thing.”

Kyungsoo giggles. “It’s fine with me, I love watching you try to grasp the concept. That wasn’t my point of this thing. Anyway — I meant to say you can care about someone and not show it in front of others. You didn’t know about me and Taozi until right now. You can do that.”

“I’ll try, I guess.”

The doorbell chimes loudly. Junmyeon gets up, passing his mug to Kyungsoo and opens the door. Of course it’s Yixing. He glares daggers at Junmyeon, he has two bags in his hand.

“What?” Junmyeon snaps, annoyed about the glaring.

“It’s not your house, I don’t have to answer you.” Yixing steps in and pushes past Junmyeon. He places the covers on the coffee table. “Why is he here?”

Kyungsoo pouts a little. “Because it’s my house.”

He looks expectantly at Junmyeon.

“Yixing,” Junmyeon sighs. He leans against the closed door, looking at his feet as he tries to collect his words. “Uh, Soo makes out with Zitao it seems.”

“Hey!”

“I know that,” Yixing replies. “He told me like an hour ago.”

“No takeout for Junmyeon,” Kyungsoo announces, taking the covers to his kitchen. “That was a dirty move.”

Yixing groans. “You made me buy food for this guy?”

“For all of us,” Kyungsoo corrects from the kitchen. “I called Taozi too. Make up before he comes.”

Right. Junmyeon goes to the kitchen for a while, trying to formulate words in his mind, while Yixing lounges on the couch with his phone, scowling at it as he scrolls.

“Do I just say I’m sorry?” he whispers to Kyungsoo. He doesn’t get a response. “Soo, help me with this.”

“You know him better, you’ve fought a thousand times before this.” Kyungsoo shrugs.

After ten minutes of debating and calculating in his head, Junmyeon wants to bang his head on the wall. Tao arrives and he goes straight to Kyungsoo’s bedroom, announcing he’ll take a nap before he’ll eat. He doesn’t mind the tension in the house at all.

“We’re not eating till both of you have made up,” Kyungsoo says. “And I’m very hungry, I’ll be okay with kicking both of you out to eat the food.”

Both of them groan instantly. Junmyeon timidly makes his way near the couch, and stands near the coffee table. “Yixing, I’m sorry.”

He doesn’t get any response, not even a glance. Junmyeon sighs. “I’m sorry for being the asshole and calling you one instead.”

That gets Yixing’s attention. He puts the phone down and looks at him. 

“I wasn’t ignoring it, I didn’t understand what you were trying to say until Soo explained it,” Junmyeon mutters. “I’m sorry for being… rude, I guess.”

Yixing gulps a little. “Was it too vague?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll try better next time,” Yixing sulks. “I’m sorry.”

“Both of you apologise like toddlers,” Kyungsoo laughs softly. “Are we ready to eat now?”

“You made us approach each other like toddlers, of course we’re going to do that,” Yixing chides. “You used a parent way to get to this.”

It’s still awkward for a long time. They eat like they usually do, but Yixing and Junmyeon don’t talk to each other much, and Kyungsoo doesn’t mention the remaining hostile tension between them. But the tension goes away when Kyungsoo laughs at Yixing’s joke so hard he spills on himself, and tumbles backward, laughing uncontrollably.

Junmyeon keeps his plate down and takes Yixing’s as he shuffles closer to Kyungsoo to help him up, three of them laughing deliriously about nothing in particular. It’s more comfortable now that they don’t have to focus too much on each other, like a reminder that it’s going to be okay between them again — like it has been many times before this one.

Tao walks out of the bedroom and looks at the three of them, looking so confused, it makes them laugh more.

✧

Sehun’s bed can’t fit the both of them if they want to sleep comfortably, so it’s reserved as the place to cuddle and/or make out for a while. Junmyeon is uselessly scrolling through his phone in the beginning, then decides he’ll read the book he has in it.

Sehun buries his nose into his marketing textbook, while Junmyeon continues reading his book. They’re sharing the earplugs yet again, laying next to each other, Sehun’s leg rests on the back of Junmyeon’s thighs, so it feels more like a study _date_ instead of a boring study session.

“I think I’ve heard this somewhere,” Junmyeon says when the fourth song starts, looking at Sehun. “At least his voice.”

“He’s the same singer as the Watermelon Sugar song,” Sehun clarifies, staring hard at his textbook.

Junmyeon looks up the lyrics. The song is great, but he doesn’t understand the lyrics even a little. His English skills are average; he can manage on his own if he ever gets stranded in America. But this song’s every word sounds like the singer is drunk. The singer definitely shouldn’t record a song if they’re this drunk.

A couple of words makes sense, but the lines all together are nonsensical to him. He opens a translator and tries again. It’s just as stupid in Korean.

“Sehunnie,”

The younger hums in response, then turns his head a bit to look at him.

“This song doesn’t make any sense.”

Sehun nods.

“The lyrics are really random. It’s like he took one line from each song and mashed it together.”

That makes Sehun laugh. “Yeah, it feels exactly like that.”

“You said this was your favourite song?”

“Yes,” he’s just as enthusiastic as before. He puts the textbook aside, facing him. “I love it more because it doesn’t have any kind of deeper meaning. It’s just a good song with good, fun music.”

Junmyeon stares at the man, a bit confused and thoroughly endeared.

“I think I wouldn’t enjoy this song as much if it had lyrics which made sense, or told a coherent story. I love it so much, hyung,” he beams, wiggling around so their faces are closer. “Is that weird?”

“No,” Junmyeon closes the gap between them, kissing him deeply. He hopes all the affection and fondness he’s feeling towards Sehun right now is conveyed through it, he sucks at putting them in words. “You’re precious and so is your funky mind.”

His words flood Sehun’s face with a deep pink tinge, he looks away for a moment and giggles loudly, and rolls away from his boyfriend. “Why are you so sappy?”

“You just confessed your love for a very confusing song,” Junmyeon says. He’s sure he looks no better than Sehun right now, but the urge to fluster the younger further keeps him from hiding his flaming face. “I think I’m allowed to be a little bit sappy.”

“You aren’t, you don’t have my permission,” Sehun says as he moves away, his whole face is now red. “Take it back.”

“No, I won’t,” Junmyeon reaches out and loops his fingers around Sehun’s red ear, squeezing it in an attempt to drain the heat out. Sehun might as well have steam coming out of his ears. “You aren’t the boss of me, Sehunnie.”

“Maybe I should be.” Sehun mutters before leaning in for another kiss. It’s innocent enough, until Junmyeon weaves his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair and pulls him closer, licking at his bottom lip. The kiss turns filthy in a matter of seconds, and they’re pulling apart only because neither could breathe. Sehun sits up and straddles Junmyeon’s stomach, tugging his shirt off his head.

“Aren’t your exams coming up?” Junmyeon mutters but welcomes another kiss. “Thought you had to study?”

“Making out for a while won’t hurt.” Sehun shrugs.

Junmyeon huffs out a laugh. “You definitely didn’t remove your shirt to just make out.”

✧

The courtroom is still terrifying. He’s come here to watch people working for his dad get convicted, be saved by fabulous lawyers who charge rightfully a lot for their assistance, and he’s watched Kyungsoo sit on the stand and give the details he knows about a case. Yixing has been on the stands too, but his charges were dropped. Junmyeon has never been on the stand, and he’s very keen on keeping it that way. His legs shake as he passes a courtroom, hearing the judge state the crimes of a person.

He makes a beeline to where his family lawyer is waiting for him. She has many clients but rarely does she need his help. If he were still searching for an alternate job, he’d probably ask her to hire him to dig around against the crime families. It’s fun, for one, and it isn’t technically illegal because it will help the lawyer figure out where to search.

“Thank you,” she beams as she takes the files. “Is this all?”

“That’s all, you’ll need to go to Jeju to find anything more than this.” He says instead of saying ‘you’re going to get us killed by your greed’ because they’re at the court. She nods and pats his back once before walking inside confidently. Junmyeon doesn’t even want to see who is inside. He hates courtrooms with passion, he wants to get out soon.

Brisk-walking to his car, Junmyeon feels safe only when he’s inside, waiting for his racing heart to calm down. He definitely could’ve asked someone else to do this work for him, but he thought it’d be nice to see a familiar face once in a while. Worst idea ever, as it turns out. He’ll definitely send someone else to a place he dislikes being next time.

He starts the engine, but his phone goes off loudly. He really needs to change his annoying ringtone.

His fingertips run cold when the caller ID shows Kyungsoo’s name. He picks up instantly. “Are you okay?”

“I’m okay,” Kyungsoo replies calmly. “I’m calling because Sehun came here with lunch, he wanted to surprise you, it seems.” 

_Fuck,_ Junmyeon thinks. There’s no way he can drive up to the hospital now — it’ll take him an hour to reach there. 

“I told him your shift just finished and you’re on your way home.”

“I’m on my way home,” Junmyeon nods to himself. That way, Sehun probably won’t call either — he will think Junmyeon is busy driving and won’t pick his call. He can trust Yixing and Kyungsoo to cover for him properly, so he doesn’t have to lie too much. A pang of guilt hits him everytime he lies to Sehun. “I’ll get there before him, I think.”

“Okay. I’ll talk to you later.” And the call ends. Kyungsoo always gets straight to the point, but Junmyeon kind of wishes he would talk more, at least about his work. He likes his work very much, but he’s either too busy with said work or too tired because of it. Junmyeon misses listening to everything that happened and watching Kyungsoo’s eyes shine as he explains.

Junmyeon drives back to his apartment, and Sehun isn’t there thankfully. He swaps his pants with boxers and climbs to bed. Kyungsoo always does that. He comes back from his shift and flops onto the bed, he doesn’t move until he’s rested for at least ten minutes. Junmyeon isn’t particularly tired but he’s great at lounging around to waste time.

He gets a few updates from Tao while he waits for Sehun. But even that gets boring too quickly. He goes to the kitchen, tries to find something to munch on, except his fridge is empty. He has a couple of eggs. Maybe he should start cooking, it won’t raise any suspicions. 

Just when he cracks the egg on the counter, the doorbell rings. Junmyeon finishes pouring the egg into the sizzling pan and runs to the door. As expected, it’s Sehun.

“Hey,” he leaves the door and goes back to his eggs. “I’m making some eggs, do you want some?”

“But I made lunch,” Sehun sounds upset. “I thought I’d surprise you at the hospital.”

Junmyeon nods. “Kyungsoo told me about it.”

“I thought your shift ended at four,” Sehun places the boxes of lunch on the little dining table Junmyeon was forced to buy because of his mother. “Did something happen?”

“I finished the little work I had, and Kyungsoo said I could take the rest of the time off.” Junmyeon shrugs. “I’ll take any and every break I’ll get.”

Sehun starts taking out the plates and glasses as they continue the conversation. He made eggs and kimchi fried rice, and pieces of meat to go with them. So maybe eggs weren’t the best option to make, their lunch ends up being too eggy, but Junmyeon doesn’t mind. He drags Sehun to the supermarket for groceries right afterwards, to spend a little more time with his boyfriend before he has to bury himself in textbooks and notes.

✧

It takes him four months to find a place he thinks he can trust with the polaroid camera. Granted, he had a lot of work and he wanted to surprise Sehun with it — so it took a lot of time. He decides to take his mother to the shop as well, tell her that he’s buying it for his boyfriend there, see how she reacts. The chances of a negative reaction is definitely less, but that’s the smoothest way he can tell her about his dating life. She wants to be kept in the loop but never asks him any questions about whatever she wants to know (he’s grateful that she isn’t prying, but the questions would help).

“No,” she groans when she spots the electronic shop. “Why are you taking me to the electronics shop, Junmyeonnie?”

“Come on, I’ll tell you when I get in there.” He drags her inside, and despite her displeased face, she explores the whole store when she’s left to it.

Junmyeon struggles to explain what exactly he’s looking for to the staff. He ends up looking up on the internet and showing them the exact picture of the camera he’s looking for. The staff smiles when they see the picture and ask him to wait a moment.

“Mom, come here.” He calls her as she’s waiting. “I want to show you something.”

She comes to him with a curious look, looking at every mobile under the display glass with great interest. “Are you buying me one of these?”

“You have a phone,” he chuckles. “I’m buying a camera for my boyfriend, I want you to pick out the colour.”

The staff brings out dark coloured ones first. They explain how it works, the warranty it has, what rolls to buy if it runs out — they explain all of it, then state the price.

“Do you have the pastel colours in this?” Junmyeon asks. The staff nods, gathers the cameras in their arms, and leaves to get the pastel ones. “I think he’ll like the lighter colours better.”

“You didn’t tell me you had a boyfriend,” she comments, pretending to be interested in the row of headphone boxes. “How long have you been dating?”

“Four months,” Junmyeon mimics her pose, crossing his arms and placing his elbows on the glass. “You never asked me about it.”

“I didn’t want to force you to tell me things,” she huffs. “Maybe I should do that now, huh?”

The reminder of how they weren’t close before kind of stings, but Junmyeon ignores it in the favour of selecting the camera. 

“Pink,” she says without even looking at the other colours. “It looks so pretty.”

“Look at the other colours too,” he takes the baby blue one. “I like this one.”

“Let’s take the light purple one, then,” she puts the pink camera back. “None of our options, so it’s even.” 

He wants to argue just for the sake of it, but the pastel purple looks really pretty. He buys the camera and two rolls separately, they already mentioned they don’t sell those two together.

On their way out, his mother holds his arm to cross the busy street. They go to a cafe nearby, where she’s supposed to meet her friends after their little date. “Tell me about your boyfriend.”

“His name is Sehun,” Junmyeon looks at his iced coffee, stirring the drink with the paper straw. “He goes to evening college, and helps at his dad’s flower shop in the morning.”

She slurps her hot tea. “He goes to college?”

“He’s twenty-five, if that’s what you’re worried about.” Junmyeon grins shyly. “He’s cute.”

“Aw, look at my baby,” she reaches over, trying to get her hands on his cheeks. Junmyeon swats them away, looking at her with shock. “You’re blushing~”

“Because of how embarrassing you’re being!” He says, but that doesn’t stop his mother from 

being more embarrassing. He ends up sulking at her until she stops.

✧

Sehun is a nervous mess on the day. He wakes up at seven in the morning, even though they’re meeting his boyfriend’s mother at night. They will be at the bungalow an hour before dinner, so food doesn’t overpower the conversation, and they’ll leave after dinner. He clings to Junmyeon with a constant pout on his face, and Junmyeon wants to feel bad for his nerves but he just ends up kissing the pout away whenever it appears, and promising that everything will be okay. He’s acting too cute for Junmyeon to consider feeling bad, since he’s one of the reasons he’s so nervous.

“Do I call her Mrs. Kim?” Sehun asks hurriedly. “What do I call her, hyung? What if she thinks I’m rude—”

“Baby,” Junmyeon presses a kiss on Sehun’s forehead, gesturing to him to finish his food. “You aren’t meeting her to impress her, you’re meeting her because I couldn’t stop talking about you.”

“You’re telling me it’s your fault that we’re doing this?” Sehun teases. “Because you’re so whipped for me?”

“Yes, exactly.” He’s learnt over the past four and a half months that agreeing to Sehun like this flusters him more than rebuttals, a ‘yes’ makes him squirm shyly more than a ‘no’ does. Junmyeon wouldn’t be surprised if he says ‘yes’ if his boyfriend asks him if he’s in love with him.

Sehun’s cheeks become pink. He stutters over his words a little, and ends up stuffing his mouth with food so he doesn’t have to respond at all. It’s a Sunday and they’ve both set time aside to go on a date, but even as they spend the whole day outside, walking around in huge parks, Sehun’s nervousness doesn’t seem to go down.

Once he parks the car in the bungalow’s parking space, Junmyeon watches Sehun trying to collect himself for a while, then reaches his hand to the backseat, into the noisy plastic bag of things he needed to give his mother.

“I have something for you, hold on.” He tries to feel for the camera as he pats around the cover, but it’s hard to guess. He grabs the plastic bag,places it on his lap, and takes out the camera.

Sehun sucks in a deep breath as he takes the pastel purple camera into his hands, eyes sparkling.

“I thought you’d like it,” he was very confident that Sehun would like the gift before, but he isn’t so sure anymore, mostly because he never asked his boyfriend about it. “She picked out the colour.”

“It’s so cute,” Sehun holds it against his cheek for some reason, and beams at Junmyeon. “Thank you.”

“I’m glad you like it,” he sighs in relief. “I was so worried for a second. I was sure for so long and the moment I give you, my mind is like what if he doesn’t really like them? And I—”

His boyfriend laughs loudly, his eyes narrowing into cute crescents. “I love it, hyung.”

“Great, I’ll shut my brain down now.”

They’re greeted by Junmyeon’s mother at the door. She’s wearing a fancy dress but most of it is hidden by the apron tied around her waist. The three of them end up spending most of the time in the kitchen, Junmyeon helps her with the cooking, and Sehun tries to help too, but she swats him away and threatens to kick him out of the kitchen.

He ends up watching his boyfriend and his mother cook together, answering her occasional questions and asking his own questions about what she’s making.

They have a great time talking about regular things, but they _really_ hit it off when Sehun asks about a painting displayed in the living room. They end up chattering about paintings and sculptures. Junmyeon didn’t know his love for art comes from his mother. He doesn’t add much to their long conversations, he feels content watching both of them talk so comfortably with each other.

“I think I like you better than Junmyeon,” she jokes. “How about a swap? You become my son, and he can be your mother’s son.”

Junmyeon playfully rolls his eyes. “You’ll never get a son like me, Mom, you’re making a huge mistake.”

They end up talking for two hours after dinner. The only reason she lets them go is because Sehun has to work in the flower shop and attend college, and he needs good sleep to function in both setting.

✧

Two months pass in the blink of an eye. Junmyeon doesn’t realize until Sehun is waking him carefully, saying something against his ears but he fails to understand.

“We’ve been dating for six months as of today,” Sehun whispers, his warm arm around Junmyeon’s waist. “Do you want a gift, hyung?”

Junmyeon snuggles closer to the warmth. “I don’t like doing that stuff,” he mumbles.

“What? You’re mumbling to yourself, hyung, I can’t hear you.”

“I said,” he opens his eyes, and hopes Sehun hears it this time. “I don’t like doing that stuff.”

“What if I did?”

It takes a minute for the words to really sink in, to understand what he means. Junmyeon starts stroking the arm on his waist, mustering up energy to turn around. He wiggles around a little, and looks at his boyfriend. _It’s been six months,_ Junmyeon thinks, and he can’t help but panic just a little. He kisses Sehun to distract himself, but it works only for a few moments.

“I’ll plan something for you,” he promises, kissing him again. It’s to confirm his feelings this time. It still feels good to kiss him. “Do you have something in mind?”

“Not flowers,” Sehun chuckles. His morning voice is pretty; it reminds Junmyeon of the first warm beam of sun on his skin. Warm and satisfying in some ways. “I want to do something today.”

“Aw,” he hides the little on-going panic in his head masterfully. “I was planning on getting you cacti. So I won’t have to drop hints throughout the day.”

“Lucky you, cacti flowers take some time to bloom, and it’s not right now anyway.”

Junmyeon giggles. “You’re so _fucking_ whipped.”

“You’re one to say?” Sehun presses his lips against Junmyeon’s forehead, chuckling. “Who cancelled their shift last minute because I wanted to cuddle for a few more hours?”

✧

“I should break up with him.”

He looks at Kyungsoo, then at Yixing. Both look baffled at first, then it morphs into an annoyed expression. Yixing is the first to slam his empty styrofoam cup on the floor. “I should throw fucking boulders at you.”

“Swords,” Kyungsoo adds. “Like. Super huge swords. Fucking idiot.”

“It’s your six month anniverasry,” Yixing glares at him. If it weren’t for the milkshake in his hand, Junmyeon suspects Yixing would slap him. “Why the fuck would you end such a good relationship?”

“Do you like suffering? Is that it?” Kyungsoo groans. Junmyeon giggles a little, because Kyungsoo is cute when he’s annoyed, but stops when he’s glared at by the both of them.

“What’s the problem?” Yixing asks calmly. “Is he dating you just for drugs or something?”

“It’s… a lot of things,” he cowers a little, pushing himself against the couch behind. His face becomes sullen. “He feels too good to be true.”

Kyungsoo’s expression hardens, while Yixing is more sympathetic. “It can’t be just that.”

Well. “I’ve been lying to him for the whole of six months.”

“It’s just your job, though,” Yixing points out. “Because it’s dangerous to him and you.”

“I know about that,” Kyungsoo says. He’s no longer annoyed, thankfully. Just a bit frustrated. “It’s just as dangerous to me as it is to you, and him.”

Before Junmyeon can reply, Yixing beats him by asking, “Did you lie about anything else to him?”

“No,” he shakes his head. Maybe this discussion is best done when he isn’t feeling tipsy. “Just the job, and whatever I needed to make up to cover it.”

Kyungsoo lets out a long suffering sigh. “Then what _is_ the problem—”

“He could leave me for it,” Junmyeon snaps. The pulse in his temple pounds against his head, his brain exploding with a fit of anger. “You were fucking nice enough to stay, but I can’t just rope in an innocent person into this. Especially when he could easily run away, and bust us all.”

He watches Kyungsoo open his mouth, close it again, and shuffle closer to him with Yixing. Junmyeon’s throat closes up, tears stinging in his eyes, but it’s nothing compared to the rage pulsing through him.

“But that’s not all I’m worried about,” his tone starts decreasing as he goes on, finally looking away from both of his best friends. They tangle him in their arms until his cheek is pressed against Kyungsoo’s head. “I care about him, and I really like him a lot. Fuck, maybe I love him too. I don’t want to… it’s selfish of me but I don’t want him to leave me.”

They remain silent, holding their best friend until he shakes them away. “How about you try it anyway?” Kyungsoo says.

“Yeah, be vague about it. Tell him it could threaten his safety if he knows _anything_ more than what you told him.” Yixing strokes Junmyeon’s neck absently. “Which is the truth. If he likes you as much as we think he does, he’ll be okay with it.”

“We can come with you, stay quietly in the next room,” Kyungsoo offers. “If the situation is unexpected, we’ll be there.”

Junmyeon thinks over it. He’ll definitely like that. “Can you stay in my apartment? I’ll talk to him in his, and I’ll come back if it doesn’t go well. I think that would be better?”

Yixing nods. “We can do that.”

“I’ll come only if you do it after our lunch shifts,” Kyungsoo jokes, laughing a little when Junmyeon elbows him. “I’ll be there, hyung.”

✧

Their advice is that it’s best to approach him first, instead of planning the six month anniversary thing. So Junmyeon ends up in the back seat alone, Yixing is driving and Kyungsoo is next to him. They provide words of comfort and encouragement but Junmyeon barely hears them over his pounding heart.

He tries to rationalize in his head. It’s not like he’ll drop dead if Sehun’s reaction is negative. He… will move on, like he did with Yixing. Who knows? Maybe they can continue being friends, and come back to this relationship later. But there’s a layer of fear peeking through everything he thinks of. Maybe Sehun’s information was sealed perfectly well, or Tao’s FBI person turned against them and fed him lies. Maybe Sehun was waiting for this moment to get him to record their conversation — get a direct confession. What if he’s wearing a wire? What if this ends in Junmyeon getting a death sentence? Or worse, life imprisonment?

“We’re here,” Kyungsoo announces. He looks back, and Junmyeon finds comfort in his equally nervous face. “I’m nervous for you.”

“That makes the two of us,” Junmyeon breathes out heavily. He wedges himself in the gap between the two seats and looks at Yixing. He’s expressionless. “You’re nervous for me too? Like a good friend?”

“I’m withholding any kind of judgement,” Yixing turns to him, and Junmyeon leans back since their faces are too close. “Let’s go.”

It feels worse than the first day of exams in college. Kyungsoo plays with his hand as they walk up to his apartment, and it helps while it lasts. His best friends go in after giving him an encouraging hug, and he shuffles to Sehun’s door.

He knocks softly first, then knocks louder. The door opens inwards, Sehun stands in front of him with a cute, wide smile. He’s wearing a t-shirt and his boxers, akin to the first time Junmyeon entered his place. Fuck, this will be hard.

“Sehunnie,” he walks in and closes the door behind him. “I have to tell you something. Can we sit?”

His tone gives away his nervousness, and it rubs off on Sehun easily. The poor guy looks a little scared, but Junmyeon doesn’t have it in him to console his own nervousness let alone help his boyfriend. Or he-might-dump-him-and-sell-him-out-to-the-FBI boyfriend.

Sehun nods and clears up the mess that is the loveseat. He takes and hangs at least four t-shirts from the piece of furniture, and Junmyeon arranges the scattered papers for him.

“It’s not serious,” Junmyeon offers, but that doesn’t help. “I don’t think it is.”

“What is it?” Sehun asks, but he goes into the bathroom to dump all the t-shirts. It’s the last stretch of the semester too, Junmyeon feels terrible for doing this.

“It’s about my job,” Junmyeon tells him when he returns. He pats the space next to him, and when Sehun sits, it’s almost a reflex to hold him. But Junmyeon refrains, maintains a distance as he speaks. “I don’t know how to put it except — I’ve been lying about my job.”

Sehun’s face is expressionless. He’s such an expressive person, the neutral face makes Junmyeon nervous that he can’t decipher the look.

“It made sense to tell you that I’m a nurse, because the timings and stuff match.”

“Why did you lie?” Sehun says. The tone of his voice doesn’t give any emotion either, it’s infuriating. “Why tell me now?”

“I don’t want to keep lying to you,” he wrings his hands, looking at them instead. “But it’s dangerous to tell you anything about it. Even telling you that it’s dangerous is dangerous.”

He laughs a little even with the tense atmosphere.

“So I can’t ask any questions?”

Junmyeon shrugs, still looking at his hands. “You can, but it won’t be a stretch if I tell you that those bits of knowledge could get you killed.”

There it is. The biggest problem. He hears Sehun inhale sharply. “What about others?”

He whips his head up, looking at the man with confusion. “Others?”

“Yixing and Kyungsoo hyung,” Sehun clarifies. “Do they know?”

“They do. They’re in far more danger than you are, and you’re only under the ‘could get killed’ criteria.”

“Don’t you care about them?” Sehun asks, and this time, he looks away. “Why did you let them find out?”

“Their knowledge of me wasn’t in my control,” Junmyeon’s chest twinges with pain. He can’t help but wonder if all of this could’ve been avoided. With Yixing and Kyungsoo. “I wouldn’t let them if I had any power over it.”

Deafening silence fills the room. Nobody talks, nobody breathes loudly to disturb the silence. It stretches for so long Junmyeon starts to become uncomfortable. He squirms in his seat, moving towards the door so he can get up and go back to his best friends.

“How much of this was a lie?” Sehun asks. His voice shakes a little, and when Junmyeon looks, there are tears in his eyes, his bottom lip quivers a little. “Did you lie about everything?”

“No,” Junmyeon wants to reach out and hold him, tell him every single detail and explain what happened. He just seems to be unlucky in some aspects, he has to either choose the safety of someone he loves and cares about or lie and keep secrets. “Nothing but the job and whatever I needed to keep you from finding out.”

“You still could’ve hid it from me,” Sehun mutters, a couple of tears rolling down his cheeks. He wipes them on his t-shirt’s sleeve. “Could’ve kept me in the dark.”

“You’re smart, Sehunnie,” Junmyeon moves closer to him, and hooks an arm around Sehun’s waist. “You can put everything together just by how much I’ve told you, right? I didn’t want you to freak out or feel betrayed if something bad happened. I want you to be prepared, just in case.”

“If you showed up dead at my door,” Sehun whispers, but he leans into Junmyeon after a second. “Or if _I_ showed up dead at yours.”

Junmyeon surprises himself with a calm nod. “Exactly.”

“I need some time,” Sehun says. “It’s a lot to digest.”

He hadn’t considered this. Waiting. Somehow this is worse than all other scenarios he thought of: suspense and indefinite waiting. A dull ache blooms in his chest, the familiar feeling of heartbreak. “I understand,” he says, and stands up. “I can leave you right now, if you want.”

Sehun nods. “I’ll text you when I’m ready to talk again?”

“Okay,” Junmyeon can’t help but pet Sehun’s head. “I’ll see you soon, Sehunnie. All the best with your exams.”

He doesn’t get any response as he walks away.

✧

His best friends sandwich him in a hug immediately, but the questions in their looks are clear.

“He said he wants some time,” he mutters. “He’ll text when he’s ready to talk again.”

Their arms around him tightens.

✧

For a change of scenery (to escape from accidentally bumping into Sehun), Junmyeon stays the night at his mother’s place. She doesn’t question it at first, welcomes him and they make her favourite dish from scratch — even though it takes four hours before they can actually eat. She’s happy that her son is staying with her for two days, she doesn’t mention his red nose or the sniffles or how he definitely looks like he’s going to cry. She offers to cuddle like they did before he went to college, his back against his father’s chest and they would giggle about how loudly he snores, but he refuses.

“I wanna sleep alone,” Junmyeon mutters, grabbing the spare pillow and blankets. “Do you want to go out tomorrow? I know a great ice cream place.”

“Let’s just talk tomorrow,” she slides under the blanket and smiles a little. “Good night, Junmyeonnie.”

She wakes him up in the morning, and Junmyeon has no excuse for his state — eyes puffy from crying for thirty minutes, and the tear stains on the pillow haven’t disappeared for some reason. She gets him out of the bed and makes coffee, for the both of them.

“What happened?” She asks just when Junmyeon is confident she won’t. “Is it… I don’t even know what it could be, you don’t keep me in the loop even after telling you a hundred times.”

He chuckles a little. Last time she said those words, he introduced Sehun to her. “It’s Sehun.”

They take a long sip of the coffee, and she finally smacks her lips. “What did he do?”

“He didn’t do anything — he hasn’t done anything, I’m—” Junmyeon takes another long sip of the coffee. It’s a terrifying feeling and voicing it out loud is proving to be difficult, especially when the thought makes his lower lip quiver. “I’m scared he’s going to break up with me.”

There. The waterworks are instant because of how pathetic he sounds, how desperate he must seem to cry about a possible break up — to his mother, nonetheless. She doesn’t even know he’s had boyfriends before Sehun.

She puts her mug of coffee aside, engulfing her son into the warmth of her arms. She has become thinner, Junmyeon feels it against himself, making him sadder.

“You’ve become so thin,” he mutters through his crying fit. “Because I didn’t take care of you.”

True or not, it feels like he definitely is in the wrong. He could’ve been so much better of a son to her, but he hadn’t done all that he could.

“No, Junmyeon-ah, it’s because I didn’t take care of myself.” She cradles his head, patting the back of his head gently. “Why are you scared that he’s going to do that?”

He can’t even muster up the courage to say it. Because he lied; he lied over and over for the span of six months, and never once did it occur to him to tell the truth. He doesn’t even know why he feels so horrible about it.

“I lied to him about my job,” he whispers. “I didn’t want him to get hurt.”

She pulls away and looks at him, her gaze soft. “Why would it hurt him?”

“Because I took over dad’s place,” he looks away before her expression changes. “I’m the new Suho now. I have been since dad died.”

“What?” She laughs nervously. “Are you joking, Junmyeon?”

“No,” when he looks back at her, she’s angry. He doesn’t flinch when she raises her arm, ready to hit him. “I’m not joking, mom.”

“You just proved you don’t care about me, Sehun, or yourself. After all that your father put us through, you’re okay with doing the same thing to others?” she drops her hand and starts walking upstairs. “Leave, Junmyeon, and don’t come back.”

“I’ll be waiting.” He tells her, even if it falls to deaf ears.

✧

Junmyeon waits. He waits for one day, one week, two weeks; a whole month. A month of not talking to his mother, his possible future ex-boyfriend, and the constant threat of Coast Kim and his next moves. There’s nothing else to keep him occupied, Yixing and Kyungsoo do their best to help him. But there’s only so much they can do too.

He’s alone in his apartment after two weeks of abandoning it. Everything is where he left it before hiding at Kyungsoo’s apartment, and he starts picking things up. There are clothes everywhere, the unwashed utensils stink in the kitchen, and his bedroom is in the worst condition he’s ever seen. It’s worse than his mother’s room during the peak of her depression.

The kitchen has the top priority. He can’t stand the stink, so he puts on the gloves and begins cleaning thoroughly. It’s a great distraction from everything, he curses himself and promises to never leave the apartment like this ever again.

Half of the kitchen mess is tackled when there’s a knock on the door. Junmyeon’s heart jumps to his throat, it could be anyone. His friends, Tao, Coast Kim’s hitman, his mother’s assistant, or even Sehun.

“One minute!” he shouts as he struggles to get the rubber gloves off his arms. He jogs to the door. He doesn’t want to check the keyhole, but the possibility of a hitman makes him sigh and put his eye near the hole.

Every breath is knocked out of him when he sees Sehun. He still looks cute and handsome and like someone Junmyeon wants to make out for hours with, even with dark circles under his eyes. Junmyeon opens the door just enough for Sehun to see his face. He makes sure his body blocks Sehun’s view into If he’s going to break up, he better do it in the hallway. Junmyeon doesn’t want him in his apartment.

“Hyung,” Sehun looks relieved that the older man even opened the door. “Hi.”

“Hey,” Junmyeon looks at him from head to toe, then says, “You don’t look so good.”

Sehun shrugs. “Exams were a bitch this time.”

Oh, right. He had final exams of the semester. Maybe he didn’t try and plan to run away. Junmyeon walks out the door, closes it behind himself. “It’s a mess, let’s talk in your place?”

“There isn’t much to say.” Sehun replies as they move to his apartment. Those words makes Junmyeon want to run away again, but he assumes if it were bad — like, really bad — Sehun might’ve texted him instead of showing up at his door. So this must be good. Or at least Sehun is being nice about it.

Sehun’s apartment is clean — a thousand times better than Junmyeon’s, obviously, but there is no mark of exam week like it was a month ago. He’s taking a seat on the little loveseat when Sehun stops him abruptly. “Uh, so it’s not that long that you need to sit down.”

 _This is it,_ Junmyeon thinks, sitting on the furniture behind him, and braces himself for the worst. His rational side of the brain seems to have shut down. _There’s a squad assembling for me outside, and I’ll be taken away the moment he dumps me._

“I don’t care,” Sehun says. Junmyeon snaps his head up, something cracks in his neck but he doesn’t mind it. “I care about you,” he adds hurriedly. “I don’t know what you were expecting, but I can deal with the job thing.”

“So you’re not dumping me…?” Junmyeon narrows his eyes a little, trying to judge if there’s any part of Sehun that gives away his lie.

“Why would I dump you?” Sehun pouts, then carefully sits next to him. “Has that happened before?”

“They’ve never lasted this long,” Junmyeon shrugs. He’s still waiting, ready for the group of policemen outside. “Are you sure?”

Sehun chuckles a little. “I’ve had two extra weeks to think over it, I’m pretty sure. Thank you for trusting me with that.”

That trust puts him in more danger, unfortunately, but he really can’t worry about that right now. He lets Sehun engulf him in a side hug, their heads pressed together as the younger giggles softly near his ear. “You still look scared.”

“I was ready for the worst,” Junmyeon huffs out, the tension in his shoulders relieving. He pats the hand on his shoulder and turns to hug his boyfriend properly. “Like, a lot worse than just being dumped.”

“It’s not happening,” Sehun mutters. “I hope it doesn’t happen, whatever you were thinking.”

The hug feels good. Junmyeon missed him so much, missed holding him like this. And maybe he’s a little emotional right now, because he says, “You know, I sometimes think you aren’t real.”

Sehun pulls away from the hug with a grimace. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’re just perfect, so fucking amazing,” Junmyeon places his head on Sehun’s shoulder, laughing. “I love you.”

The weight of the world lifts from his shoulders when he says that. He doesn’t register Sehun’s body freezing against him because of his own relief. It’s only once he’s pulling back, his cheeks aching from smiling so much, that he notices Sehun’s skeptical (almost sullen) expression.

“It’s not because you didn’t dump me,” Junmyeon says, but he doesn’t look convinced at all. Junmyeon tries to understand why or how his timing might’ve been wrong, but nothing comes to him. He’s glad he said it, he feels _good_ about having told Sehun. “You don’t have to say it back, if you don’t feel the same way.”

Although it’ll sting if Sehun does that, Junmyeon will learn to deal with it. He can work with one-sided love for a while, but he really hopes this doesn’t prompt Sehun to leave.

“Do you want me to leave again?” Junmyeon mutters, standing up to walk to the door. “I can do that.”

“No!” Sehun grabs his hand, pulling him back harshly. “No, I was just caught off guard. Why do you always offer to leave when something happens?”

Junmyeon feels relief first, then he flushes bright pink, embarrassed. “Because it’s easier that way.”

“Come here.” 

They end up cuddling on the loveseat; Sehun leans his back against the armrest of the furniture, Junmyeon sitting between his legs, back-to-chest so Junmyeon doesn’t escape by offering to leave once again if something happens.

“There,” Sehun’s arms rest on Junmyeon’s shoulders, hands tracing invisible lines on his stomach. “Don’t run away this time.”

“Okay.” Junmyeon leans his head back, resting it on his boyfriend’s shoulder.

“I love you too,” Sehun mutters. “Everything is a little shocking to me right now, but I guess I still do.”

Junmyeon turns his head, tries to look at him but the effort is futile. He ends up slotting his head into the junction of Sehun’s neck and shoulder. “You still do?”

“I was going to tell you a few days before our six month anniversary, but I chickened out. And when you told me the whole thing, I was so stressed with exams I was convinced everything I felt was a lie,” Sehun chuckles a little. “And I’ll sound very desperate but I felt so touch-starved during the whole month. I bought, like, three stuffed toys because of it.”

“I just didn’t have the time to buy that,” Junmyeon pats the arms on his shoulder as a reassurance. “It’s not desperate, I know what you mean. We’re both touchy people.”

“It definitely felt desperate.” Sehun laughs. “I’ve been fine by myself, without cuddly toys, for four years and suddenly I want to crawl into bed with you every second I’m free? My younger self would be very disappointed.”

Junmyeon pecks his arms, chuckling. “We still have to do something for the anniversary thing.”

Sehun declines it. “Forget it, I’m glad to have my boyfriend right now.”

“We’ll do something soon,” Junmyeon laces their fingers together. “Hopefully this month.”

Since the loveseat is too narrow for both of them to stay in their position, they move to Sehun’s bedroom. Junmyeon lets his boyfriend sit on the bed, with his back against the headboard, and straddles his lap. It’s a familiar position but it has been so long, Junmyeon wraps his arms around Sehun’s neck, snuggling closer. “I’ll super-glue myself to you like this.”

He basks in all the affection he gets from Sehun. They make out for a little while, Junmyeon slowly petting his boyfriend’s head who is busy lightly sucking hickeys on his skin.

“Can I ask something?” Junmyeon mutters. He knows this will probably ruin the mood, maybe they’ll go back to not talking again for a few more days because of it, but he’s curious. Sehun hums against his shoulder. “Why… don’t you care about the job?”

Sehun’s mouth pauses against the shoulder. He pulls back and looks at him. “Do you want an honest answer, hyung? It might be very disappointing.”

“Tell me.”

There is a whole minute of silence, Sehun keeps his head back onto the shoulder, his nose touching his boyfriend’s throat. Junmyeon waits patiently. Maybe he’s trying to explain it in a less rude way, or mustering up the courage to talk about it. This must be difficult for him.

“I found out the flower shop fronts as a gambling place at night,” he whispers. “It has been for a few years now, I haven’t told mom about it, I don’t think she knows yet.”

He fails to understand how that’s anywhere related to what Junmyeon confessed to, but he stays silent, listening.

“My dad’s the most innocent person I know, in almost everything. He was simple-minded to me, I didn’t think he knew what the inside of a police station looked like,” Sehun holds Junmyeon’s waist and strokes his thumbs over the t-shirt, he’s talking in a mumble but it’s audible. He sounds bitter, almost resentful of his dad. “It’s a lot of sad stuff after that, so long story short: I thought at least you’re being open about it, and not hiding it like you could have. I don’t know what it says about my morality, or ethics, but I guess I don’t care.”

Junmyeon hugs him tightly, squeezing him between his arms, silently praying. _Please don’t ask me about it._ “Did you know about it, hyung?” Sehun asks. “The gambling place. I know it’s a stretch to ask you, because it’s such a small place, and I don’t know how many people come there, but I’m curious.”

“I knew about it,” he sighs, and strokes Sehun’s back once more. “I haven’t visited it personally, but I knew about it. Because I asked someone to do a background check on you.”

Surprisingly, Sehun isn’t a bit phased by it. He nods like he understands.

“I haven’t told him that I know, I want to yell at him.” He whines, a pout forming on his lips. He hasn’t moved his head from Junmyeon’s shoulder even a bit, he tilts his head to the side to press a kiss on Junmyeon’s throat. “I don’t know when I’ll do that but he better not act innocent in front of me and lie to my mom. I don’t want him to lie to my mom, she thinks they don’t have a single secret between each other — God knows what else he’s hiding and lying about.”

“It’ll be okay, baby.” Junmyeon says. He doesn’t know if it will, but the words seem to comfort his boyfriend.

One month isn’t long, Junmyeon tells himself but he barely agrees with those words. The past one month has been nothing but bad things, and he finally has Sehun here — finally something good. He’s a very welcome break from a horrible series of bad things, and Junmyeon is so desperate for this change, for Sehun. If they weren’t discussing things related to his job, Junmyeon would’ve completely forgotten about everything bad for a little time and fulfilled his greed for everything Sehun has to offer. Kisses, hugs, his dick, his lovely giggles, his little pouts; everything.

He tilts his head, pressing a kiss on Sehun’s cheek, while his hand strokes Sehun’s upper back gently. “Thank you for trusting me with this.”

Sehun pulls at Junmyeon’s t-shirt to reveal the skin underneath and plants a wet kiss on his collarbone. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Junmyeon tangles his fingers through Sehun’s hair, pulling his head into a better position to kiss his lips. “I’m glad I have you.”

Junmyeon’s hands are sometimes on his chest, sometimes he sneaks them under Sehun’s t-shirt to caress his tummy. Sehun, in return, does similar things, but he’s more interested in kissing every part of his boyfriend he can think of. Junmyeon ends up filling Sehun in about everything that happened to him, because he was asked: about his mother, and about the Coast Kim and Slug situation as well. (In the most vague language ever: “So this guy who hurt the other guy needed to, like, know that he shouldn’t hurt the other guy.”) They don’t stop touching each other, though. 

“Wow,” Sehun laughs when the whole story is done. He holds Junmyeon tighter. “I had exams to distract me for the first few days, but that sounds stressful. I feel bad for you.”

Junmyeon doesn’t mind receiving a few sympathy kisses from his boyfriend. He’s missed all of this so much and nothing seems to feel enough. “I don’t know when I’ll talk to my mom again, but there’s so much going on, I can’t dwell on her.”

“I’m sure she’ll come around.” the younger one kisses Junmyeon’s face, then pressing some on his neck.

He’s too distracted to reply coherently. Junmyeon’s hands have travelled under Sehun’s t-shirt, and he’s trying to tug it off his body, while his boyfriend is trying to get the button of his jeans undone.

“This might sound weird right after talking about our family,” Sehun grins a little, his lips impatiently crashing against Junmyeon’s as he tries to wiggle out of his jeans. “But please fuck me?”

Junmyeon chuckles a little, tossing Sehun’s t-shirt to the edge of the bed. “Thought you wouldn’t ask.”

✧

Cleaning the apartment takes up two whole days between little work here and there. Junmyeon refuses all of Sehun’s help out of embarrassment — it continued to stink after being 99% clean, Junmyeon had to buy an air freshener as well. They’ve made plans to go to Busan for the anniversary thing. Sehun’s break is for a whole month, and a week after he comes back from visiting his relatives, they’re going on a roadtrip to the beach.

Junmyeon hopes he can take care of the little stampede Coast Kim is causing by then.

“You hurt my men, I hurt yours, Suho,” his voice is calm, but Junmyeon recognizes the layer of anger under the neutral tone. “Nothing you say will stop this.”

“I’m here with a deal,” Junmyeon shrugs. “I’ll give you information about the investigation on you, and you leave everyone unharmed.”

Coast Kim laughs. “There’s no ongoing investigation on me, kid.”

Junmyeon leans back on the chair, crosses his leg over his knee, smirking. “You don’t even know it’s happening.”

The old man’s little laughter dies just as quickly as it started.

“Why would I lie to you, sir?” Junmyeon places his chin on his palm. “That would cost me more people, don’t you think? And now that I know you had no idea about this, I can only assume your people are lacking in their work.”

“You’re smart with your words, kid, but that doesn’t beat my experience,” Coast Kim says. “I can shut down the investigation myself.”

“And what if I told you that someone from your family is giving out the information?” Junmyeon enjoys the challenge of this. The amount of effort it takes to be vague, to get him doubting is worth it when his eyes widen. Coast Kim remains silent, staring and waiting for more information. “I don’t think you should be surprised. There’s chatter about your payments, the security or the lack of it. I’ve had a few come to me and offer information about your—”

“I can call your bluff so easily,” Coast Kim chuckles softly. “Did you learn it from TV shows, kid? There are several about us these days, aren’t they?”

“Oh sir,” Junmyeon glances at Slug. That bastard catches his eyes and begins squirming in his place. “How do you think that guy roamed the streets before you took him in?”

The old man glances at Slug, catches his squirming. “Get him out of here.”

There’s silence as Slug is dragged away by two bigger men. Coast Kim’s drooping eyes are sharp now, glaring under his heavy eyebrows. “You better not be calling me sloppy, Kim.”

“Everybody makes mistakes,” Junmyeon shrugs. “He’s still under police protection.”

He slides an envelope which contains pictures of Slug coming and leaving the FBI building. “And you can think whatever of this.”

After looking at all the pictures, Coast Kim taps the table between them with the pictures. “If any of this turns out to be a lie, I won’t hesitate to kill you and that boy of yours.”

“Tao is just as strong as his connections with others,” Junmyeon says. He has no idea who the old man means by his ‘boy’ (it could be anyone, but his top three are: Yixing, Kyungsoo, and Sehun) but it’s enough to make him a little nervous. Just for a good measure, he adds, “I’ve not lied about anything.”

“You’ve been vague,” Coast Kim smirks. “Just like your father.”

“I like to think of it as diplomacy.”

✧

They’re meeting at Jongdae’s house to grab a bite — he promised to cook his infamous BBQ dish, and now that he’s fully recovered, he offered to make them some. They didn’t plan to meet at the same time, but Junmyeon is glad there are so many of them right now.

Baekhyun is squirming on the ground, trying to muffle his agonized moans with his hand, while the other clutches his thigh. Everyone stays silent as Minseok and Tao immediately crouch next to him, trying to inspect the wound and asking if he can do anything — if they should call an ambulance. He was stabbed a minute before they arrived, Jongdae informs them.

Junmyeon stares at the painful expression and wishes he could go back in time, when he didn’t know a thing about these people. He wishes he didn’t Baekhyun is currently hiding a ring from his partner, which he wants to hide in the pocket of their hoodie. It makes him think of what the partner might feel if Baekhyun bleeds to death in front of his eyes — he’ll have more blood on his hands. But it’s not the blood which scares him, it’s the fact that if he had acted a little more rationally, thought everything through better, this wouldn’t happen.

“Get him in the car,” he tosses the keys to Jongdae. “Drive him to the hospital, or a clinic, whatever is the closest.”

Everyone gets to work immediately, and Junmyeon grabs Yixing’s arm before he can help lift Baekhyun.

“Come with me,” he drags Yixing with him unintentionally, only realizing he’s doing that when his best friend yanks his arm free. “We’re going to that bastard’s house.”

Yixing doesn’t need more than that. They get a taxi to Coast Kim’s house, Junmyeon is fuming throughout the ride, and Yixing keeps glancing at him worriedly. The ride lasts for thirty minutes, and when they reach, Junmyeon storms into the house and demands to know where the _fuck_ that asshat is hiding.

“Remember where you are, kid,” the old man comes out half naked, wearing nothing but slacks, his hair messed up, and a cigarette between his fingers. “It’s my house.”

“You lied,” Junmyeon uses all of his willpower to stop himself from spitting on Coast Kim’s face. “You said you’d leave my people alone.”

“I never mentioned when,” the old man laughs. “I said after I’ve verified your information. I never lied.”

“You hid shit, that’s as good as lying.”

It draws more laughter. “And? What are you going to do about it, huh, you little shit? You’re under my roof, and you have one more person on your side, you can’t win.”

“I have zero convictions,” Junmyeon smirks. “My files are sealed, the cops are _begging_ at my feet to get on their side.”

The smug grin on Coast Kim’s smile washes away. “So? You’re going to rat us out? Walk away from the Oath?”

Junmyeon shrugs. “It must be killing you to know, huh? Who’s going to put a hit on me if I walk away? I’m the fucking head, you don’t have the authority to do that to me. How much will I give to the cops, and how much immunity will I get.”

“I don’t give a fuck about you.”

“Oh I bet you don’t, but your men do — they will have to, with the amount of shit I know,” Junmyeon glances around. The air thickens as they look at each other, at Coast Kim, and finally at Junmyeon. “If you don’t swear to stop right fucking now, Kim, things _you_ didn’t know could go wrong will go wrong.”

“Don’t threaten me in my house!” the old man thunders. He takes out a gun from his pocket, and Junmyeon withdraws his own. “Get the fuck out!”

“Not until you swear,” Junmyeon replies calmly. His hands are shaking, but he hopes everyone thinks it’s rage and not fear — his aim needs a lot of work, while Coast Kim was born with one. “Don’t you think I have shit ready if you kill me? And what will your people think about this, huh? _Killing_ for something as little as threat? They will be more wary of you, I don’t need to tell you the repercussions of that.”

“You piece of shit,” the old man grits his teeth. “Get out before I shoot you.”

“I’m just asking for a fucking promise, and you can’t even do that? I gave you so much information, a little promise is the least you could do.”

Junmyeon braces himself for a bullet that never comes. He watches Coast Kim look around at his men, noticing how this little scene is costing him their faith. 

“There’s nothing else to it, just stop hurting my people.” he reminds, just in case. “That’s all I’m asking for, I’ll get out of your way if you promise.”

Coast Kim sighs, but his gun isn’t lowered. “Fine. You have the promise.”

“Thanks,” he gestures with his gun. “Let’s put that down, now.”

He pockets his gun too quickly. Coast Kim fires at him, right in the middle of his thigh, and scoffs. “Who the fuck do you think you are, motherfucker? You don’t come into my house and threaten me.”

He feels white hot pain, like his thigh has suddenly grown little pairs of limbs which are being ripped from them. Some part of him prays to live. He doesn’t register what the shouting is about, but he passes out because of the shock and not the pain.

✧

There is a vague memory of being dragged, he thinks he sees Kyungsoo’s face — maybe Jongdae was there too. _Is Baekhyun okay? Am I okay? Am I dead now?_

Every wall around him is white, there is something beeping near him, and his thigh aches with every beat of his heart. Nothing is clear, except the white ceiling in front of his eyes. He sees faces suddenly — hundreds of them clogging his eyes, they slowly merge into each other, and there are four left.

He can’t figure their names out yet, but their faces are familiar. He knows these people, he does, but he can’t understand anything; their lips are moving. Are they talking?

The faces disappear suddenly and the sudden movement sends a lightening of pain through his skull. He groans, tries to move away, but he can’t feel his legs. Does he even have legs anymore? He remembers the pain of being shot, but what if he’s paralyzed now? How will he work?

Tears well in his eyes, his throat twists around itself and chokes him. He finally, _finally_ belonged somewhere, and now he’s torn apart from it — was wishing for death the better option of the two?

He hears someone call his name, whatever he’s lying down on shakes a little and there are new faces. He definitely doesn’t know these people; it brings more tears to his eyes — where did the familiar faces go? Was it an illusion?

Before any of his questions are answered, he blacks out.

✧

Nothing makes sense until he sits up and scans the whole room. He’s in a dark hospital room, with five more patients, but all of them are asleep except for him. Kyungsoo and Yixing are sitting at the foot of his bed, sleeping with their arms to cushion their heads. His phone is nowhere to be found, so he looks out of the window and realizes it’s night — it must be past midnight for sure. Maybe 1 in the morning?

He looks under his blanket and finds both his legs intact, left thigh wrapped firmly with bandages, he shakes both of them a little. The left leg hurts when he moves it, but he can feel it — it’s good to know he isn’t paralyzed.

Kyungsoo jolts up when he feels the leg moving, eyes wide in panic. When he notices Junmyeon is up, he sighs, his voice is hoarse. “How are you feeling?”

“Still in pain,” he whispers. “It feels better, I think?”

Kyungsoo nods. “Your bone is bruised, it’s not going to go away soon.”

“How long will I be here?” Junmyeon purses his lips, expecting the worst. 4 weeks? 6 weeks? “Do I take a lot of pills?”

“Your wound will take 4-6 weeks, but I think they’ll discharge you when the dosage of painkillers goes down.”

“And why is that a problem?”

“It makes you delirious,” Kyungsoo glares as if Junmyeon is purposefully being dumb. “When they hit you, you’re kind of high and start crying out of nowhere, and you choked on your own spit. It’s best to keep you here.”

Junmyeon’s face heats up. “I thought I would never walk again and rot it in this bed. And I had so many questions, I don’t remember them, but all of that made me cry.”

“You were fucking stupid that day,” Kyungsoo mutters. “It’s been almost two days since we admitted you here, Yixing told me what happened. He said you were being stupid but cool.”

“I wasn’t expecting him to shoot me,” he shrugs. “I got cocky making those people question The Coast Kim, I felt like the boss of the room.”

He gets smacked in the arm, but it doesn’t hurt that much. Kyungsoo places his head on his arms again, and closes his eyes. “I’ll talk to you in the morning.”

“Good night, Soo— wait, can you give me my phone?”

Kyungsoo takes his phone out of his pocket and tosses it to him. It’s only 12:45AM. There are four texts from Sehun, two from his mother, eighteen spams (he really needs to start blocking those numbers), and his call log has no missed calls — just one voicemail from his mother.

She asked to meet him yesterday, at noon, and the message is followed by a ‘are you okay?’ — and the voicemail is only twenty seconds long. “If you’re ignoring me because you’re mad at your mom, I understand but please don’t push me away, okay? Talk to me when you can.”

Sehun has sent three pictures of three different locations, and a text asking to go on a date there. His number is the most recent in the call log, he can only assume Kyungsoo or Yixing talked to him.

He decides to text Sehun first.

_[Junmyeon] idk how much anyone told you but im at the hospital. i got shot and i would've told you earlier but i was high on painkillers! you probably shouldn't come here, there are people who shouldn't know you exist (job stuff)_

To his surprise, Sehun replies instantly.

_[Sehun] U GOT SHOT???????_

_[Junmyeon] ...oops?_

_[Sehun] im calling u rn_

His phone vibrates in his hand, and he picks up before the ringing can wake anyone up.

“Why did you get shot?” Sehun shouts. “Who says ‘oops’ as a response? How high are you?”

“I’m not anymore,” Junmyeon whines. “They’re wearing off, it’s starting to hurt but I think I’ll survive till my next dose.”

“Kyungsoo-hyung told me you were at the hospital, but he wouldn’t tell me why.”

“Did he say it’s not his place to? He always says that when he doesn’t know how to explain the situation,” he laughs a little, covers his mouth so he doesn’t disturb others. “Everyone’s asleep here.”

“You should sleep too, hyung. When will you be discharged? Can I see you after that?”

“Soo says it will be after the dosage is reduced, but he didn’t tell me when that will happen. I’ll tell you when I know.”

Sehun hums. “Okay. It’s also my moral obligation to tell you that ‘oops’ is not an appropriate response to any question. Why did you get shot?”

“I got cocky in front of this guy, forgot he had the thing in his hand,” Junmyeon murmurs. “It was stupid.”

“Obviously, you’re hospitalized for it. How bad is it?”

“It’s just a bruised bone, I haven’t talked to the doctor yet, I was knocked out.”

“Get well soon, do you want me to send you anonymous flowers?”

He laughs softly. “No, I’m just glad you called.”

There’s a moment of silence. Junmyeon wonders why Sehun is up right now — he doesn’t even have classes, and the flower shop takes only five hours of his morning. Is he on the bed? Is he watching a show? Thinking about something?

“Sehunnie, do you regret it now?” he whispers, licking his dry lips. The ache in his leg is steadily increasing, but he ignores it in favour of listening closely to Sehun.

“Regret what?” 

“Not breaking up with me when you had the chance to.”

Sehun scoffs. “Of course not, hyung. Would you leave if I were in your situation?”

“I would,” Junmyeon replies honestly, even if it makes him a bad person. “I would’ve run when I had the chance.”

There’s silence yet again, but it sits heavy on Junmyeon’s shoulders. He’s scared, truthfully, that his words might spark the idea in the younger’s mind — it would be for the best if he did, but Junmyeon is sure he’ll handle the situation worse than his last break up.

Sehun lets out a sigh. “Good thing I’m a college kid, huh?”

“Why wouldn’t you?” Junmyeon says, unbelieving. “I love you.”

“I don’t know why, but I have a good feeling about my decision.” Sehun giggles. “Do you regret not breaking up with me instead of explaining?”

“Fuck no,” Junmyeon is glad he sounds like that would never happen. “I did consider it, though. I told Yixing I was thinking about it, and he said he’d throw boulders at me. I’m glad they talked me out of it.”

“I’m offended.” is all Sehun says. Junmyeon considers the option that he might be actually angry about it, but Sehun chuckles too soon. “I’m just thinking of Yixing-hyung lifting big rocks and throwing at you, while Kyungsoo-hyung watches.”

“If it helps your imagination, Kyungsoo offered swords instead.”

Sehun laughs. “Fuck yeah, I knew I could count on him to be more threatening than rocks.”

“I feel like I need to apologise for something,” Junmyeon mutters. “Do I?”

“Not right now. I will be waiting with a huge sign on my head which reads: _kiss to apologise_ and you’ll get sick of kissing. Especially for the stupid ‘oops’ you sent instead of an explanation.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel scared? Because it’s not working, I can’t wait to kiss you until you’re sick of it.”

Sehun huffs a bit. “You don’t need to apologise, hyung, I definitely would wait for the meds to wear off. I’m glad you told me.”

Junmyeon doesn’t know how to respond. It’s not uncharacteristic of him to become speechless, but the distance between them is proving to be a little difficult. “I don’t know what to say.”

“It’s okay. I’ll try to sleep now, hyung, good night.”

“Sleep well,” he mutters. “Good night.”

Even after the call ends, Junmyeon stares at Sehun’s contact. He really lucked out in this part of his life.

✧

He smothers Sehun in kisses when he’s discharged. He can’t move around much without hurting his leg, but he does his best anyway. Sehun has to leave to visit his relatives two days after he’s discharged, and it sucks a lot more than normal because the day after Sehun boarded the bus, Junmyeon’s mother texts him, asking to meet.

The whole day becomes an uncomfortable amount of waiting. He has crutches to get around his house, since even the slightest exertion on his leg hurts and won’t help the healing process. He moves out of his bed for a few minutes before Kyungsoo drops by and puts him back to bed, giving him breakfast and boxed juices. Junmyeon is grateful for it, really, but he wants to move around to get rid of the weird feeling he has about this meeting.

Yixing drops by an hour before his mother is supposed to come. They relocate to the living room couch. He’s a good distraction, eats lunch with him, but he’s leaving too close to his mother’s arrival. Junmyeon begs for him to stay until she comes, but he has other things to take care of.

Junmyeon really wants to call Sehun in the final minutes, but he’s enjoying his time with his cousin so much, he’ll feel guilty for disrupting it later on. So Junmyeon sips the boxed juice Kyungsoo left in the morning, sucking on the straw in the slowest pace he can manage.

When the doorbell rings, Junmyeon cringes. God, this will be so weird. It’s these uncomfortable times which remind him that he wasn’t close with her before the funeral. They have rebuilt their relationship, but only the good parts — the bad parts are so foreign and bring a sense of discomfort in him.

“It’s open,” he says. The door clicks open, and his mother walks in wearing a pale blue skirt, a white shirt on the inside, and a pale blue suit jacket which matches the skirt. She looks like a European grandma for some reason, and it makes him laugh.

She stares at him, walking near him, eyes a little wide. “Are you laughing at me, Junmyeon?”

“I’m sorry,” Junmyeon snickers. “You like a grandma, mom, that’s it.”

“I look like a grandma?” She gasps with disbelief, taking the cushion near his legs and hits him gently with it. “I don’t look like a grandma, thank you very much!”

Junmyeon uses his arms as a shield from the cushion. “You do to me. Stop hitting me!”

“Take your words back,” she scoffs. “A grandma? Where are your manners, huh? I definitely taught you better.”

After a minute more of Junmyeon’s laughter and his mother’s gentle scolding, she takes a seat near the couch, letting her son’s legs stay on the couch.

“I’m sorry for my reaction,” she sighs. “And for the things I said to you. I don’t know where they came from.”

“I was expecting some part of it,” he shrugs when she looks surprised. “I always knew you didn’t approve of dad’s decision, I understood the yelling. I wasn’t expecting you’d stop talking to me entirely.”

It’s obvious she doesn’t know what to do next. It must be awkward to apologise to a son she hasn’t even been close with most of her life.

“It’s okay,” Junmyeon finds himself saying. He doesn’t know why he’s saying it, but it feels good to say it. “Let’s forget about this?”

“I can’t forget about it, I almost hit you.” She pets his head. “We can move on, though. Did Sehun break up with you?”

Junmyeon can’t help but grin. “He didn’t. I’m planning to take him to the beach once he’s back.”

“Where is he now?”

“Visiting his relatives for the break.”

“Oh!” She claps her hands together, beaming. “We should invite him to one of our family gatherings!”

He would’ve panicked before. But this time, Junmyeon agrees. It has always been difficult to imagine someone with him in the long run, in the place which he doesn’t even want to think about; but he doesn’t mind it now. He’s scared about the future like everyone else, but at least he doesn’t feel like a part of some race which he needs to win. He’s happy if his mother, his best friends, and Sehun are with him. They are the only people he cares for.

“I think it’ll be fun to have him there.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to my lovely beta N for helping me with this monstrosity!! they said it’s their way of participating in this fest!
> 
> if you aren't throwing stones at me already (thank you), here are my excuses:  
> 1\. i got carried away with myeon’s "incompetent mob boss tries his best" character, i stopped caring for other characters i could've explored,  
> 2\. i very much enjoyed writing this so please don't hate the fic you can hate me instead !  
> 3\. constructive criticism is appreciated! (but remember to make it constructive!)


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